Nothing

I am two days away from preaching again this Sunday. I honestly feel like I have absolutely nothing to say. I am supposed to be teaching on faith. It's ironic, because right now, I seem to have very little. Things seem very dark. I can't seem to see or hear God. That's sort of a problem, isn't it? If this is some sort of test, it's one from which I'd like to exempt myself. The last time I preached, I really sensed God's grace, help, and power. I really haven't felt that this time. It makes me wonder--am I doing something wrong??? If He's calling me to preach, why isn't He providing the help??? It's Friday, and Sunday's fast approaching. I keep waiting for some spark. Some light. Some glimmer of hope that help is on the way. This week has been the week from Hell. Literally. And things just seem to keep getting darker...

I imagine that's what the disciples felt like on Friday when Jesus was crucified. This was the Man on whom they'd pinned all their hopes. Wasn't He supposed to come and save them??? Why, instead, is He nailed to a cross??? What happened??? What went wrong??? Isn't He supposed to save us???

Now, He's dying!!!

Dead.

Gone.

But wait...

Gone???

John and Simon Peter saw the body of their Lord gone from the tomb. And they believed. It wasn't until then that they understood the Scriptures that Jesus must rise from the dead (John 20:8-9).

I don't know why things have to die first in order to bring about newness of life. But they do. They always do. I am realizing that I have nothing. I am nothing. I bring absolutely nothing to the table. If the Lord has called me to preach...and I truly believe He has...for this was never my plan or crazy idea, after all...then I must die. I must die in order that He may live through me. I must decrease that He may increase. It's not pretty. And it's certainly not always fun. But here I am. Where else can an ambassador in chains go? How can I extinguish this blazing fire shut up in my bones? I cannot.

And I would not.

I read this morning that when Peter, John, and the other disciples spotted Jesus' resurrected form from their fishing boat, they quickly headed to shore and not only found Jesus, but also a hot breakfast waiting for them (John 21:9). After all that had been...suffering the loss of their Lord, fleeing His side and denying His name...and after a hard night's work...Jesus is the one waiting for them. With a hot meal.

It's Friday, but Sunday's comin'...Hallelujah.