Thursday, July 12, 2007

The Bane of My Existence

Here it is, folks. My couch. I have this hate/hate relationship with my sofa. It bothers me like nothing else does. I try not to look at it anymore. I pretend it doesn't exist. I refuse to even sit on it. I try to avoid it at all costs. But there it sits. Staring at me. Taunting me with its hideousness.

Allow me to vent a little bit about this piece of crap that we own. Yes, that's how strongly I feel about this...this...thing that graces my living room. One of the first things that people see when they walk into my this beauty. First of all, I married into this couch, okay. I didn't select it for myself. It belonged to my husband and his sister first. Now, I am sure that when they chose it--11 blasted years ago--it had at least some semblance of a shape. Now, it reminds me of a dirty pair of crumpled gray and black socks that sits in the middle of my living room. It sits really low to the ground, so your knees sort of come up to your ears--reminiscent of the birthing position. And 3/4 of your leg is hanging off the seat. Also, the back cushions have absolutely no shape to them, so I am constantly trying to fluff them or beat them into submission. And when I say "beat" I'm not exaggerating. It always starts innocent enough. I walk--daily, I might add--over to the couch to merely fluff a cushion or two...Then minutes later I find myself crying, speaking in unknown tongues, sweating profusely, fists pounding in a fury, with my daughters looking on in complete astonishment. Now you understand why I avoid it like the plague.

I told Ren just tonight that I believe our couch is affecting our marriage. I don't sit with him on it anymore. I take the recliner, and he suffers--alone--on the couch. It looks like something that would belong in a frat house. Seriously. Do I deserve this?

So, if you feel so inclined to contribute to the Buckland Family Couch Fund, feel free to email me, leave me comments, etc. We take checks, cash, and credit cards. Heck, I'll even trade sofas with you. Your sofa can't be as ugly as mine.

Do you remember...

This is a modern day portrait of the Samaritan woman at the well. All I can say about this video is, "Wow."