Thursday, July 12, 2007

The Bane of My Existence


Here it is, folks. My couch. I have this hate/hate relationship with my sofa. It bothers me like nothing else does. I try not to look at it anymore. I pretend it doesn't exist. I refuse to even sit on it. I try to avoid it at all costs. But there it sits. Staring at me. Taunting me with its hideousness.

Allow me to vent a little bit about this piece of crap that we own. Yes, that's how strongly I feel about this...this...thing that graces my living room. One of the first things that people see when they walk into my house...is this beauty. First of all, I married into this couch, okay. I didn't select it for myself. It belonged to my husband and his sister first. Now, I am sure that when they chose it--11 blasted years ago--it had at least some semblance of a shape. Now, it reminds me of a dirty pair of crumpled gray and black socks that sits in the middle of my living room. It sits really low to the ground, so your knees sort of come up to your ears--reminiscent of the birthing position. And 3/4 of your leg is hanging off the seat. Also, the back cushions have absolutely no shape to them, so I am constantly trying to fluff them or beat them into submission. And when I say "beat" I'm not exaggerating. It always starts innocent enough. I walk--daily, I might add--over to the couch to merely fluff a cushion or two...Then minutes later I find myself crying, speaking in unknown tongues, sweating profusely, fists pounding in a fury, with my daughters looking on in complete astonishment. Now you understand why I avoid it like the plague.

I told Ren just tonight that I believe our couch is affecting our marriage. I don't sit with him on it anymore. I take the recliner, and he suffers--alone--on the couch. It looks like something that would belong in a frat house. Seriously. Do I deserve this?

So, if you feel so inclined to contribute to the Buckland Family Couch Fund, feel free to email me, leave me comments, etc. We take checks, cash, and credit cards. Heck, I'll even trade sofas with you. Your sofa can't be as ugly as mine.

10 comments:

holly said...

i can recall a worse couch...remember that yellow flowered one that rudy chewed the arm off..the 832 couch?? that was a real beaut. when it came time to trade it in, tho, leslie and stacey had to pry me off it, we had grown attached the two of us...
your couch is really comfy, but i understand what you're saying. sometimes it is the little, or big in this case, things that drive you over the edge!

happycrafty said...

LOL!!! I can truly sympathize with you on this one. Remember that hideous couch we used to have when John and I lived in Columbus. I hated that thing with an absolute passion. John bought all that furniture when he was a bachelor and I married into it. Our house looked like the freakin' Ladies Man house, all John was lacking was the Couvasier in the sniffer. I feel your pain.

Angela said...

Ha Ha Ha! Yes, I remember that couch well. I guess suffering with crappy furniture is a wife's rite of passage of something. And Holly...YES! How could I have forgotten about the yellow floral couch! After remembering, I must say, I probably don't have it as bad as I think I do! But in my defense though, have I ever owned a decent sofa?!?!

Angie Hipps said...

Watch some more Trading Spaces on TLC. They are always doing slip covers that transform old ugly couches. You have a sewing machine and know how to use it, so I bet that you could make that couch into something you love. And, I for one, liked that floral couch that Rudy chewed up (albeit before he chewed it up). I got to store it in my kitchen before it was given to you and when I got home from catering I would just lounge on it. But it did go downhill once a giant chocolate lab got a hold of it.

holly said...

angie, if you recall, you donated the other two couches that completed the den trio in my house. those had torn arms too, but they really grew on me. my bunny died on that other one i had briefly or she rested there till she died, and i had really liked it, so that was a two-fold bummer.

Kristen said...

I have to concur that the 832 couch was way uglier!

I love your practicality, Angie H. Always a voice of reason.

Angela, I hope you get a new one soon...does Ren read the blog?

Lisa said...

OK, none of you has any history with me and the couches in my past, but I had to share. My first set of living room furniture was given to me when I married from my husband's grandmother. This furniture had survived a fire of all things. It was old, nasty pine with heat bubbles all over it. The couches were slat backed and the cushions were orange and brown plaid, itchy, nasty material. We lovingly called it the couch from h***. When you sat on it the bottom of the cushions would fall through the slats and you would bang your head on the wood!!

Angela said...

Okay, Lisa. I think you have us all beat! Speaking of wood slat backed couches, I grew up with those! My parents seemed to have a fondness for those kinds of couches. With the itchy, plaid material to boot!

Erin said...

Ange,
I say get in the car, go to Ikea, and buy yourself a new couch. You'll feel so much better. And when mama's happy, we're all happy, right?

Angela said...

Ahh, yes, Erin. Tis true. If only it were that simple, though. You see, there's this little elusive thing in my life called C-A-S-H...I'm still waiting on the donations. So far, no one has sent me anything... :)