Friday, October 5, 2007

Nothing

I am two days away from preaching again this Sunday. I honestly feel like I have absolutely nothing to say. I am supposed to be teaching on faith. It's ironic, because right now, I seem to have very little. Things seem very dark. I can't seem to see or hear God. That's sort of a problem, isn't it? If this is some sort of test, it's one from which I'd like to exempt myself. The last time I preached, I really sensed God's grace, help, and power. I really haven't felt that this time. It makes me wonder--am I doing something wrong??? If He's calling me to preach, why isn't He providing the help??? It's Friday, and Sunday's fast approaching. I keep waiting for some spark. Some light. Some glimmer of hope that help is on the way. This week has been the week from Hell. Literally. And things just seem to keep getting darker...

I imagine that's what the disciples felt like on Friday when Jesus was crucified. This was the Man on whom they'd pinned all their hopes. Wasn't He supposed to come and save them??? Why, instead, is He nailed to a cross??? What happened??? What went wrong??? Isn't He supposed to save us???

Now, He's dying!!!

Dead.

Gone.

But wait...

Gone???

John and Simon Peter saw the body of their Lord gone from the tomb. And they believed. It wasn't until then that they understood the Scriptures that Jesus must rise from the dead (John 20:8-9).

I don't know why things have to die first in order to bring about newness of life. But they do. They always do. I am realizing that I have nothing. I am nothing. I bring absolutely nothing to the table. If the Lord has called me to preach...and I truly believe He has...for this was never my plan or crazy idea, after all...then I must die. I must die in order that He may live through me. I must decrease that He may increase. It's not pretty. And it's certainly not always fun. But here I am. Where else can an ambassador in chains go? How can I extinguish this blazing fire shut up in my bones? I cannot.

And I would not.

I read this morning that when Peter, John, and the other disciples spotted Jesus' resurrected form from their fishing boat, they quickly headed to shore and not only found Jesus, but also a hot breakfast waiting for them (John 21:9). After all that had been...suffering the loss of their Lord, fleeing His side and denying His name...and after a hard night's work...Jesus is the one waiting for them. With a hot meal.

It's Friday, but Sunday's comin'...Hallelujah.

9 comments:

Angie Hipps said...

Angela, you did a amazing job today! After I read your post last night I prayed for you. I feel certain that God was/is preparing you for your calling. I would venture to guess that Tony has to preach "blind" (not sure if he has heard from or seen God in his preperations), especially since he has to teach every week. It occured to me how your drama days and aerobic instructor days were a type of training ground for God's calling on your life (He doesn't waste anything). I was blessed by your sermon, and I just wanted you to know that.

Scarlet Snow said...

Thanks for sharing that AB. Only good things come from being that transparent. Didn't get to hear the message, but I'm sure it was good.

m

Angela said...

You guys rock. Thanks for the encouragement.

holly said...

ang, how do you feel it went? thanks angie for your message, you are right!

Angela said...

Hey Holls,

It was okay, I think. It's funny, the times I think I've done really well, I don't hear much feedback. Then the times I think I stunk, I hear how much people enjoyed it. This time was one of those times. I sure didn't feel like I did a great job, but I heard a lot of nice things from folks. Thanks for asking.

holly said...

i'm glad...practice will make perfecto!
i looped thru town this weekend, but i couldn't make it to your and angie h's section of the hood. waah! hope to see you soon, you guys are always welcome at the zoo.

Tony said...

Holly, don't let Angela fool you. It was an outstanding sermon. She did another amazing job. She's very gifted.

holly said...

thank you tony, we've been telling her for years....

Angela said...

You guys...