A thought from the wreckage...

Life with small children. How can something so beautiful, wonderful, whimsical, and charming one moment, be so painful and torturous the next? I'm just sayin'…

The Old Grinchy Claus Hissed

So, I've been in Holiday Hiding. Now that the holidays are over, and we find ourselves safely trucking along into 2008, I finally feel a sense of normalcy slowly returning. I also finally feel the liberty to show my mad blog face again. And I'm just gonna state for the record, one more time, that I am really happy that the holidays are over. I know, I know. How can a Christian dare utter such a thing??? In my defense, I haven't always been this much of a humbug. Up until last year, I eagerly anticipated the holidays as much as any child. I love decorating. I love presents. I love Christmas food and festivities. Yet, the past two Christmases have just been incredibly stressful for us. Money's always tight. There's always some major, expensive malfunction needing attention, be it vehicular or of the household variety (Last year it was the septic tank--"It's the crap, crappiest season of all!"). There are always no less than 100 engagements in which to attend, and only two of which are actually fun. Oh, and I did I mention the fact that we're in the peak of flu season??? Yeah. That's a barrel of fun with 3 kids, ages 4 and under. And this year, once again, I find myself with child. So all of this, and I can't even enjoy a stinking glass of Christmas cheer. Aptly named due to its capacity to make you forget momentarily all about your Christmas woes.

Not that there haven't been moments of fun, excitement, and joy. This year we had an beautiful just-before-Christmas-service at our church. And last year, we welcomed the birth of our son, Oliver, 5 days before Christmas, in a whirlwind birth story that would make anyone's head spin. It seems, however, that I find myself enjoying Christmas in snapshots, but not overall as a whole. Maybe I'm just doing something wrong. Maybe my heart just needs to grow three more sizes. I'm up for it. Whatever the case may be, I think one of my New Year's Resolutions for 2008 is that I am GOING to try to enjoy Christmas a little more this year. Maybe that would mean not celebrating it at all...

Bah. Humbug.

A Quote from Oswald

This is an excerpt from today's devotional in My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers. This is truly one of my favorite devotionals. Anyway, this quote struck a chord with me for some reason and wanted to share it.

The author or speaker from whom you learn the most is not the one who teaches you something you didn’t know before, but the one who helps you take a truth with which you have quietly struggled, give it expression, and speak it clearly and boldly.

Throne of Lies

I thought this might help spread a little Christmastime joy. Enjoy!

The First Commandment

I read so much about hearing God's call. I hear a lot of people talk about it, too. And the emphasis is always on the "to do" of God's call. The questions are always phrased, more or less, as "What has God called you…to do???" If we look at it that way, our work, our efforts, our life will be all about the tasks. We will be task-driven. Service-driven. Purpose-driven if you will. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that tasks, service, and purposes are bad. On the contrary. We need them if we wish to have a meaningful life. But I think it's important to realize that our calling is not to a task, a thing, a ministry… but to God Himself. Jesus, when He called the disciples, didn't tell the disciples what they were to "do," other than to follow Him. I fundamentally believe that we are called, first and foremost, to follow, love, obey, and worship God alone. Not our "calling," whatever that may mean. If it is a calling to do that we are obeying, worshipping, loving--then where is God??? Is it possible that Christian service could , very possibly, take God's rightful throne in our hearts???

I'm not just making this stuff up. Check this out:

Now while they were on their way, it occurred that Jesus entered a certain village, and a woman named Martha received and welcomed Him into her house.
And she had a sister named Mary, who seated herself at the Lord's feet and was listening to His teaching.
But Martha [overly occupied and too busy] was distracted with much serving; and she came up to Him and said, Lord, is it nothing to You that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me [to lend a hand and do her part along with me]!
But the Lord replied to her by saying, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things;
There is need of only one or but a few things. Mary has chosen the good portion [that which is to her advantage], which shall not be taken away from her.
Luke 10:38-42 (Amp)

Christ says that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He also told Martha that there is need of only one or but a few things. And He is the main thing, because He deems that Mary has chosen the "good portion." Christ tries to keep it so simple for us. And we constantly complicate it for ourselves. I believe that often we, like Martha, get distracted with much serving. Overly occupied and too busy. And we lose sight of what is really important. What is my calling? We ask ourselves. What we should be asking instead is, To Whom am I called???

I am called first to Jesus. After that, whatever He asks me to do, I will do. But I am called to a relationship with Him. Serving, ministry, and everything else, should flow from that main thing.

Maybe I'm splitting hairs here, but God was pretty clear when He said this:

I am the Lord your God, Who has brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.
You shall have no other gods before or besides Me.
You shall not make yourself any graven image [to worship it] or any likeness of anything that is in the heavens above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth;
You shall not bow down yourself to them or serve them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate Me,
But showing mercy and steadfast love to a thousand generations of those who love Me and keep My commandments. Exodus 20:2-6 (Amp)

It is so easy, I think, as a Christian to let service (all in the name of God, of course) become our god. I am realizing how easy it is to slip into this. God is bringing me back to Himself. My calling, my purpose, my ministry, my reason for living is God. Obviously, if I am keeping Him at the center I will want to express that in many different ways. Sometimes that may mean serving, sometimes that may mean listening. Resting. Breathing. Being.

Here are our marching orders, direct from the Son of Man Himself:

And you shall love the Lord your God out of and with your whole heart and out of and with all your soul (your life) and out of and with all your mind (with your faculty of thought and your moral understanding) and out of and with all your strength. This is the first and principal commandment. Mark 12:30 (Amp)

It always boils down to this, doesn't it???

Remembering God's Goodness

I read this verse yesterday and it really struck me:

...and I will bind you to me forever with chains of righteousness and justice and love and mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness and love, and you will really know me then as you never have before. Hosea 2:19-20 (Living)

It is great to be reminded that even when you're acting like the biggest jerk on the planet, that God doesn't leave. He is moved with compassion for you. He sticks around. He isn't shocked or afraid. Thank You, Lord, for Your loving-kindness. Your mercy does truly endure forever.

Baby Update

So today I had my first ultrasound with Baby #4. We've determined that, according to measurements and whatnot, I am 12 weeks pregnant and due on June 11th. Oliver and this baby will be 18 months apart--the closest in age any of my children are to date. We're giving the Jolie-Pitt family some good competition I think.

I must admit that I wasn't really all that excited about the ultrasound. I mean, I truly don't know how many I've had by now. I thought that some of the magic would be gone. But it wasn't. Seeing little Buckland #4 today was just as exciting, just as thrilling as seeing Isabel in her first ultrasound. I even got all misty-eyed. I was also expecting to see just a little blob on the screen. But you can already see arms, legs, hands, feet, etc. Everything looked perfect and healthy. I have been in kind of a pregnancy shock/denial up until this point. But today it brought it home for me. Very cool.