Baby Update

So today I had my first ultrasound with Baby #4. We've determined that, according to measurements and whatnot, I am 12 weeks pregnant and due on June 11th. Oliver and this baby will be 18 months apart--the closest in age any of my children are to date. We're giving the Jolie-Pitt family some good competition I think.

I must admit that I wasn't really all that excited about the ultrasound. I mean, I truly don't know how many I've had by now. I thought that some of the magic would be gone. But it wasn't. Seeing little Buckland #4 today was just as exciting, just as thrilling as seeing Isabel in her first ultrasound. I even got all misty-eyed. I was also expecting to see just a little blob on the screen. But you can already see arms, legs, hands, feet, etc. Everything looked perfect and healthy. I have been in kind of a pregnancy shock/denial up until this point. But today it brought it home for me. Very cool.

And Baby Makes...I've Lost Count!

That's right, folks. As if 3 children weren't already enough for us to tackle, God in all His omniscient insanity has seen fit to bless us with yet another. Now, may I remind you that this poor body of mine has either housed and/or fed a small child consecutively for the last 5 years. So I will confess to you that my reaction to the news was a mixture of shock, panic, and denial. I think I'm still kind of in that state. It's quite a marked contrast to my reaction the first time I found out that I was pregnant. But upon finding out for the FOURTH time that you're going to have another baby, here's a sample of the thoughts and questions that run through your head:

1. How in the world does this keep happening?

2. Does God hate me? Because I think He's slowly trying to kill me.

3. I really need to do a Google search on the subject of "contraception."

4. Am I ever going to look human again? Okay, semi-human???

5. This is all rather embarrassing, isn't it?

6. The Old Woman Who Lived In a Shoe ain't got nothin' on me!!!

7. Taking over the world, one Buckland at a time.

8. This really puts a damper on my swimsuit modeling career.

Now before I get bombarded with reprimanding posts and comments about what a BLESSING all this is, I know all that--theoretically. I know that the Bible says that children are a blessing from the Lord. But it isn't specific about the quantity...

All kidding aside, Ren and I are pretty good at making some awesome kids, if I may say so. So if this one turns out anything like the other three, everything will be just fine. Pray that we don't get a dud.

I guess I better post now that I don't know the due date. Due to nursing and moon cycles and whatnot, we're not sure when this baby's actually going to arrive. I had my first real appointment on Thursday, but they really weren't very helpful. I go in for an ultrasound in a couple of weeks to determine all the details. So we will keep everyone posted.

So there it is, folks. Sometime next year Isabel, Josephine, and Oliver will have yet ANOTHER sibling. I can't believe my baby boy, who is just 10 and 1/2 months old, will be a big brother. This is all just way too surreal.

Mute Math--Quite Possibly The Best Band of All Time

Yeah, I said it. And I mean it. I'm serious when I say that Mute Math is probably my favorite band ever. And I don't say that lightly. I love all kinds of music. But no one, and I mean NO ONE, puts on a better live show than they do. Ren, my sisters, and I, along with a bunch of friends, saw them play at the Tabernacle in Atlanta last Saturday night. I've seen them 3 times now, and this was by far the best show I've seen. They put in 110% into their performances. I honestly don't know how they keep up the touring pace that they do, and put that kind of energy into each one of their shows. While at other concerts they can be seen performing each other's instruments, and doing flips and donkey kicks over keyboards and whatnot, at this particular concert we saw Darren King (the drummer) literally take his floor tom, place it on top of the crowd, and then proceed to stand on it, while drumming on his chest, Bobby McFarrin style. Where on earth have you ever seen such a thing??? It's all par for the course at a Mute Math show. Trust me, you haven't lived until you've seen this band live. They do not disappoint.

Birthday Magic

Well, another birthday has come and gone. I'm 31. I recently realized that I used to have such high expectations for my birthday. It really is just another day, and as my friend Suzanne said, another number. And I used to get so mad at Ren or whoever if there wasn't some great surprise waiting for me. Petty, isn't it???

There's nothing extraordinarily special about turning 31. Last year, when I turned 30, everyone of my dearest friends gave me a phone call to wish me a happy birthday. I realized that was really the best gift anyone could give. Just the fact that they remembered, in all of life's craziness, to take time and stop and give someone a call on their birthday. I guess it's true that as you get older, it's the simple things that mean the most.

With all that said, yesterday was one of the nicest birthdays I've had in a long time. It's usually when you stop expecting all these great things to happen to you that they usually happen. I had a great surprise birthday lunch with my friends Amy M., Amy F., Kristen, Holly, Angie, and my sister-in-law Kim. I thought I was going out with just the two Amy's. But when I arrived at our lunch destination, I saw the group of all my friends sitting there. Honestly, the first thought that ran through my head was what a strange coincidence it was that we were all having lunch at the same place! Not too quick on the uptake. But it was such a joy to see everyone at the same place at the same time. I can't remember the last real girly lunch I've had. My lunches usually consist of eating dry sandwiches on stale double fiber wheat bread filled with slimy deli meat, standing up in the kitchen while playing server to 3 small kids. The lunch was fabulous, my friends are fabulous. And the ones who couldn't make it, either called or sent lovely Jane Austen e-cards.

Then, as if that weren't enough, when I got home from lunch, I found my evil 3cm deep stainless steel, factory installed kitchen sink replaced with this beauty

This picture doesn't really even do it justice. And the faucet Ren picked out is way cooler than that one. The sink is big enough for all 3 of my kids to take a bath in. Or at least it looks that way. Especially compared to my previous sink. I guess my sweet husband finally got tired of hearing me cuss out my last sink every time I spilled copious amounts of water on myself and the floor while doing dishes. Ren says that the major benefit of having a sink this deep is that you can't see when you have dishes in it. Great. Another way I can add more denial to my life!

Thanks to all my great friends and family who helped make my birthday so special. It is truly one I'll never forget!

Feeling Inclined

To write another review, that is. Of the new CD from my friends Mike and Suzanne Cowan of Scarlet Snow entitled Inclined. The first words that come to my mind when I think about this CD is...Holy Crap. I can't believe I actually know these people. It might surprise you all to know that I had a very brief musical career with them in their band Kudzu. That was right before Scarlet Snow. And after listening to quality of this CD, I am convinced my leaving the band was by far the best gift I could've ever given these cats. ;)

First of all, I've always known that these guys were muy talented. But this CD is crazy good. Suzanne's vocals are the best I've ever heard. She has really pushed herself on this CD, reaching notes and ranges that I can't even comprehend coming out of another human being's mouth. The musical arrangements of all the songs are perfection. And the lyrics. Don't even get me started on the lyrics. They've reached a level of, sometimes brutal, honesty mingled with loving truth that, let's face it, a lot of artists are afraid to go for these days. Especially Christian artists.

Here's the deal. I've recently purchased a bunch of new music. So I've been listening to all kinds of great stuff. But it's this album that gets stuck in my head. No matter what, you can find me humming or singing one of their songs all throughout the day. There are so many songs that I love, like "Politix," "Turning This Around," "Lay Down," and "Sonrise." But my favorite song on the CD is the title track, #5, "Inclined." Here's a sample of the lyrics:

With a blanket of mystery, You cover me like a little child.
And even though I don't understand You, at least I'm warm tonight.

I love people who aren't afraid to wear their hearts on their sleeves. I love artists who are able to do the same through their music. I love the truth. I love people that aren't afraid to look into the very face of darkness and look for God, even there. These guys have a story to tell. And they tell it. Very beautifully, on this new CD. So be sure to check it out for yourself. It's well worth it.

Feeling Overwhelmed

I absolutely hate feeling overwhelmed. To me, it's got to be the worst feeling in the world. It's a feeling that comes and goes for me. And I'm sure we all struggle with it from time to time. You know that feeling--there's so much going on in your life that you're sure at some point it's all going to consume you. And one day, years later, your body will be found underneath piles of unpaid bills, dirty laundry, dirty dishes, unanswered emails, unreturned messages, and neglected school fund raising campaigns. I would imagine it's sort of what being in an elevator feels like to a claustrophobic. It also makes me think of the garbage compactor scene from Star Wars. The scene featuring Han Solo famously saying, "One thing's for sure, we're all going to be a lot thinner." Oh Han, if only that were true. That certainly would be the upside to having the fool squeezed out of you.

I've noticed that when I get to feeling this way, I really see the ol' "fight or flight" response in myself in action. I either get snappy and a wee bit confrontational, or I hole up and want to take a permanent vacation from life. I think it may be the result of focusing on too many things at the same time. And before I know it, I find myself at the foot of this cold, ominous mountain of stuff that needs to be moved from Point A to Point B, and I haven't the slightest clue on how to even begin to do that. It really is all about perspective, though, isn't it??? According to Matthew 17:20, it's because my faith is too small. Jesus says,

For if you had faith even as small as a tiny mustard seed you could say to this mountain, 'Move!' and it would go far away. Nothing would be impossible. Matthew 17:20 (Living)

I'd like to think that my faith is larger than a mustard seed. But at times, I'm afraid it isn't even that large! Especially during those times when I am feeling most overwhelmed. In that very moment, we cease to operate out of faith, and begin to walk in fear. How many of God's plans are aborted or disrupted when we choose to react in fear (fight or flight) instead of responding with faith? What I need to do, in that moment, when I feel like I am about to crack under the pressure, is stop, pray, and ask the Father to give me more faith and His perspective. For everything is possible for those that believe. And I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

However, I realized something the other day. It's not my faith that gets me through these things. It's God Himself. It's not faith in faith that I need, but faith in a faithful God. That certainly takes some of the pressure off, doesn't it??? Thank God that it's not my pitifully small faith that will get me through tough times. But a rather large and reliable God. My faith just lets me enjoy the process and the journey, and hopefully see God's hand guiding me along the way.

Crisis of Faith

I just read this post today over at the Gifted For Leadership blog. I just posted something similar a couple of days ago. I taught on faith this past Sunday, and used a LOT of the scriptures that are referenced in this post. God always seems works in themes in my life. He's tricky like that.

The bottom line is that when we have a crisis of faith--and we all do at some point or another--the only thing we can do sometimes is stand and trust. I was encouraged by this. I hope you are, too.