Sitting In The Waiting Room

New Blog

2009-07-15T22:35:00.006-04:00

I have a very special announcement to make. I am really excited about this. I have started a new blog. I've been wanting to do this for a really long time now. I've been really bored with my current blog AND I've been wanting to switch over from Blogger to WordPress. In with the old and out with the new, as they say! In other words, Bye bye, Blogger and Hello, WordPress!

I haven't decided what I'll be doing with this blog. If I'll be saving it or deleting it or revamping it. But for now, I'll be doing most of my writing at the new WordPress blog.

So without further adieu...Come on over to angelabuckland.wordpress. Check it out and let me know what you think!

Big Weekend

2009-06-07T23:59:00.003-04:00

Well, it's Sunday night, literally one minute before midnight, and we are capping off one heck of a weekend. First, my oldest baby, Isabel, graduated from Kindergarten on Friday, and I am now the proud mother of a first grader! Second, my baby sister, Gina, graduated Valedictorian of Apalachee High School on Friday night. That was so incredible. The whole evening was so amazing. Her speech was wonderful. God even held back the rain (it was held outside), and gave us a rainbow during the ceremony. Ren made the comment that it was the nicest graduation ceremony he's ever attended. And last but definitely not least, Abigail turned one on Saturday. I can't even believe it. I am beginning to feel very old all of a sudden.

School's out for summer, although Isabel only gets 8 weeks of summer. That's just not right. So we've got to get busy and have some fun before it ends all too soon.

Time goes by too fast.

Yeah, what she said

2009-06-02T08:22:00.003-04:00

After reading this, I am left asking myself, "Why the hell couldn't I have written that???" I've been following Molly's blog over at "Adventures in Mercy" for a while now, and she's very quickly becoming one of my favorite writers. I feel like we're on parallel journeys, so her posts always resonate very deeply with me. I hope her poignant words speak to you as much as they did to me.

Blessings to you on this beautiful day! May you find Love guiding you and keeping you in all you do.

Today

2009-05-28T09:53:00.005-04:00

I woke up this morning with the thought of being involved in every moment of today. I haven't gotten dressed yet. Or made my bed. Or brushed my teeth. So, by all measurable American standards, I'm failing miserably so far. But I'm pretty sure it was a noble thought nonetheless. I'm beginning to think that this is the key to just about everything, and this is the way God wants us to live our lives, every minute of every day; and, thus, why it's so darn difficult to do. I've yet to figure out exactly how to do that and what that's supposed to look like in my every day life. But I think I'm onto something, and when I figure out all those details, I'll let you know what I find out.

Now, usually when you hear someone talking about this kind of stuff, it's in some context of getting you to be more productive. Perform better. Do more stuff. Contribute more. It can come across as some kind of heavy handed manipulation tactic.

I'm not talking about any of that.

No, what I'm speaking of is so much simpler. Almost, too simple. So simple that we might just miss it if we're not careful.

What I am talking about is being more attentive to those around you, whom God has given you. To whom you've been given. Staying connected. Tuned in. Living in the moment. Listening to the people who are talking to you. Looking them in the eye. Not daydreaming about where you'd rather be or what you'd rather be doing, but being connected with where you are and appreciating it. Appreciating them.

The God of the Bible is known as the Great I Am; not I Was or I Will Be. But I Am. I Is. I Be. Today. Here. Now. I guess this is why people with terminal illnesses often obtain such a clear, razor sharp perspective. They know their time is limited. Time is not a someday or one day, because someday and one day are not promised to them. What they know for certain is that today belongs to them. Today is what they have. And I think that this is where God lives.

Today. I will hear God's voice and not harden my heart.

Today. The day God has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Be. Live. Breath. Connect. Laugh. Love.

Now, I'm gonna go brush my teeth.

...So I think it must be true - that when you pray, you are not starting the conversation from scratch, just remembering to plug back into a conversation that's always in progress.--Anne Lamott, Plan B

What are some of the things you do to help yourself stay connected? Tuned in? Please share.

In Summary...

2009-05-20T08:32:00.013-04:00

My prolonged break from blogging was purely unintentional. There's been so much going on, blogging has honestly been the last thing on my mind.

With that said, I have really missed it, and I think I may be ready to pick it back up again.
My apologies to the two readers who have been eagerly anticipating my return! I promise I will make it worth the wait.
I've picked up a new hobby. I think it's fair to say that I'm now addicted. I'm even proselytizing to others. Want to know what it is? I swore I would never become one of these ladies. Oh, sweet irony.
I honestly have no idea where I am at spiritually. This is, hands down, the CRAZIEST SEASON I've ever lived through, in my ENTIRE LIFE. No exaggeration here. I really can't even put into words what I'm going through. EVERYTHING that I've been so certain about is now a great big ol' question mark. I have yet to determine whether or not that's a good thing. Time will be the tell.
As the most bodacious philos-o-phizer of ancient Greece once said, "As for me, all I know is that I know nothing."

After 10 months, we FINALLY got tired of Abigail sharing our room. She now has the girls' former room, all to herself. It's been so nice to be able to talk to my husband at night as we're going to sleep, use the bathroom, breath, or turn on a light if we need to do something very optional and nonessential, you know, such as, SEE WHERE WE'RE GOING! Needless to say, Ren and I are very happy with the current dispensation of Buckland children.

We transformed our chaotic hodgepodge of a playroom upstairs into the girls' new bedroom. I'm really happy with the way it turned out. We chose the girls' two favorite colors: Isabel's is red; Jo's is pink. It's kind of Valentines-y. It basically looks like we hired Cupid as our interior decorator. It's crazy, but very cute, I think. And the girls absolutely love it. They even have their own bathroom now. It's not completely done yet. It still needs a few finishing touches. But we're very happy with the way it's coming together.
After getting our sweet couch and fixing up the kids' rooms, I currently don't despise my house. Huh. Who woulda thought?
I am so proud of my husband. He's moving and shaking over at Connected Technologies. He's been busy. But in this economic climate, busy is good. We are very thankful for him. He's a hard worker.
Since January, we've dealt with our share of common illnesses, vomitting, molluscum, and head lice. It's only May, people. The lesson we've learned through all this: Kids are nasty.
Isabel finishes Kindergarten in less than 3 weeks. I cannot believe how fast this year has gone by!
We are thrilled that Jo will be going to the same Pre-K this Fall that Isabel was able to attend. We are all so excited about this. This is a total miracle, thanks to God's grace and provision, and two very sweet and generous grandparents! It's a blessing that we didn't even expect or ask for.
My baby sister, Gina, is graduating in two weeks as VALEDICTORIAN of Apalachee High School!!!! We are all so proud of her. She totally rocks.
Abigail turns one on June 6. Are you even kidding me?!?!
One thing I do know for certain - Our friends and family are some of the most amazing people in the whole world. Hopefully one day we'll actually be able to appropriately express how much we love and appreciate all of them.
I really love my family and friends. The ones nearby and far away. Every single, last, crazy, gloriously odd one of them.

Funny

2009-02-23T11:34:00.004-05:00

My husband emailed me this today. It made me laugh really hard.

Seventeen Thank You Notes

2009-02-18T10:44:00.009-05:00

It all started with this.

Go ahead and read it if you haven't already. I'll wait.

That post was important to me, because it was the first time I realized that I could actually diffuse my anger and hatred for something, even something as inconsequential as a piece of furniture, albeit momentarily, by writing a simple blog post. Afterward, I felt much better.

Like a healing had taken place.

So, it really began as an experiment in creative writing as therapy.

And what do you know? It worked.

Boy, howdy, did it work.

Well, a little over a year later, on a lark and a whim, I posted this. That directed you to this. You really do need to click on that link to see it.

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT CURRENTLY SITS IN OUR LIVING ROOM!!! (In a soft, lovely, warm cappuccino hue.)

Although, you're probably not surprised, because you're probably one of the seventeen families/people represented who donated to the Buckland Family Couch Ministry.

"Thank you" doesn't even begin to appropriately express how we feel about this couch.

You should also read all 63 glowing reviews that this couch has received on Haverty's website to see that I am not exaggerating my deep and profound love for this couch. I LOVE this couch. It's perfect. It is truly the most wonderful, beautiful, comfortable, stylish, amazing couch I have ever seen or had the privilege of sitting on, let alone owning. It's the most grown-up, adult-looking piece of of furniture we currently own. It totally transforms our living room; it no longer looks like the dwelling place of a college student...or multiple toddlers. And not only is it remarkably stylish, it's comfy, too. In fact, Ren and I both fall into a deep, non-waking comas any time we lie down on the thing.

The funny thing about all this is that I had actually made peace with my current couch set-up. After I'd been whining to God a little while about desperately NEEDING a new couch, I felt like He'd given me an idea. We threw, literally threw, the split-wide-open section of the our old couch downstairs, and replaced it with a semi-stylish futon which had been sitting upstairs and was hardly being used. Somewhere down in the depths and recesses of my personality, I had gotten in touch with my Inner Thrifter. I restuffed the back cushions with the stuffing from the unused sections, so while it was incredibly lumpy and uncomfortable to sit on, hey, at least it looked better!

In all seriousness, what you don't know is that just the day before the couch arrived, I was crying out to God asking Him if He'd forgotten about us. I have been growing weary, feeling like my faith was on its last scrawny, little legs. I asked God for something big, something tangible, something I could see, to give me hope. God has been taking care of our needs. All our basic necessities are provided for, but there's very little at the end of the month with which to actually go out and enjoy. Something always has to get cut. We have food, clothing, and shelter, but the clothes are several years old, sometimes have holes, and the food is, at times, only slightly more than beans and rice.

There are days when I can push through all that, paste on a smile, pull myself up by the bootstraps, do all things through Christ who strengthens me, keep fighting the good fight, keep on keepin' on, or whatever positive thinking mantra one tells themselves to keep from going crazy.

Then there are days when you can see no end in sight. That's when it's almost too much to bear.

And that's when God sends angels in the form of family and friends to lift our loads, making the burdens seem not quite so unbelievably heavy. And the road not quite so lonely.

I want to share something with you that I wrote in July of last year, not to depress you, but, hopefully, to let you in on how long we've been struggling and what that's actually been like for me:

Father, will You, out of Your abundant resources, please provide us with a new couch? I would like a new couch and a new love seat. Or a new sectional. I'd take either option. Father, Your word says that You own the cattle on a thousand hills. Father, I don't own any cattle. All I'm asking for right now is a new couch. Will you please provide us with a new couch? Our current couch is literally falling apart. Every time I look at it, I want to cry.

Father, do You love us? Do You care about our wants? I know that You have given us all that we need. We have enough. But, God, what about our wants? Do you care for, provide for those as well? Father, I feel like I've been doing without quite a bit lately. More than I am used to, frankly. I guess I'm still rich compared to the majority of the world.

Father, am I supposed to boldly ask You for things? Or am I supposed to be content with what I have? Why do I feel so guilty for asking You for a couch? You can do that, can't You? Will you?

Father, my heart is growing bitter. I don't trust in Your goodness, mercy, or love right now. A decent father gives his children some nice gifts if he can afford them. Certainly you can.

Certainly He can. And certainly, He has. And certainly, He will.

I know it's just a couch. But to me, it's a symbol that God not only cares about our needs, but also our wants. Things you might be to embarrassed or feel to silly to say out loud. I have to believe that the God who created the universe, who created us, wants us to enjoy this life,and not just merely survive it or endure it.

Thank you, sweet friends and family, from the bottom of my heart, for reminding me.

Grace

2009-02-14T10:16:00.002-05:00

It is unearned love--the love that goes before, that greets us on the way. It is the help you recieve when you have no bright ideas left, when you are empty and desperate and have discovered that your best thinking and most charming charm have failed you. Grace is the light or electricity or juice or breeze that takes you from that isolated place and puts you with others who are as startled and embarrassed and eventually grateful as you are to be there.--Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies

An Ode to Mayonnaise

2009-02-03T21:27:00.003-05:00

It seems that this world is divided into two types of people: Those that eschew mayonnaise and those that can consume mass quantities of it single meals. There is no in-between. Either mayonnaise totally creeps you out, or it is one of your dearest, time-tested culinary companions. I find myself in the latter group. I love mayonnaise. So...there. It's out. I've said it.

I feel so much better now.

I have always been somewhat embarrassed by my passion for the stuff. It's definitely not the most glamorous, or um, health-conscious thing to eat. And it's impossible to look sophisticated whilst eating something gobbed with the white, greasy goo. When fellow mayonnaise junkies discover one another, there's an instant bond. An unspoken camaraderie. Together, we share in the fellowship of our mayonnaise-y sufferings. We've heard the comments. The jeers. Seen the peculiar looks as we smother our various food items with the thick, white, gooey condiment. I believe that mayonnaise lovers are really rebels at heart. We go on and eat our mayonnaise-laden victuals, raising our greasy fists in the air shouting, "To heck with my arteries!" And we stick together.

I remember one such instantaneous bond occurring a few years ago, when the mom's group I was a member of ventured out for a play date and lunch at the mall. We sat down to eat our Chick-Fil-A, and I found myself sitting across from a young mother and relatively new member of our church. As we pulled out our respective value meals and readied them for consumption, our eyes fell on each others' piles of mayonnaise adjacent to our waffle fries. We looked at our food. We looked at each other. And a profound mutual respect was earned that day.

If you've never tried mayo on your waffle fries, before you scoff, I double dog dare you to give it a try. No, I triple dog dare you. I don't find the obsessive compulsion to do this to any other pile of fries EXCEPT waffle fries. There's just something about the way the pockets (or holes) trap the extra mayo, making it extra mayo-licious. I've been ridiculed mercilessly for my waffle fry habit, even by so-called "friends" and family. People that simply do not understand the finer things in life. People with, I'm just going to go ahead and say it, underdeveloped and immature pallets.

I guess I feel this strongly about all condiments. My philosophy is, Why bother eating something if you can't smother it with something, rendering it completely unrecognizable??? To me, the food is just a medium for the sauce. I've been known to pour copious amounts of mayonnaise and other various sauces on my food at what some would deem "inconvenient" or "inappropriate" times. Whilst traveling at high velocities. Whilst wearing evening wear, etc.

I've been a mayonnaise fan ever since I was a kid. I used to eat mayonnaise sandwiches. It's not rocket science. There's no guess work. It's two pieces of bread with, you guessed it, nothing but mayonnaise. Oh sure, you can throw on a tomato or two if you want to get all gourmet-like. But for me, there was nothing finer, or simpler than a mayonnaise sandwich. Go ahead and make one. You know you want to. Any brand of mayo will do in pinch. And believe me, I've tried them all. But Hellmann's is the best, by far. There really is no substitute.

Not only am I a fan of mayonnaise itself, but I love all mayonnaise-based things. Potato salad. Chicken salad. Egg salad. Tuna salad. Dips made with mayonnaise. And a sandwich just isn't complete without a dollop (or two...or three...or four) of mayonnaise. And I recently stumbled across this ingenious invention. Are you even kidding me??? That's like combining Heaven with even more Heaven. Double Heaven. In a jar, no less. I might never leave the house.

So, tell me. Are you a mayo slut or a mayo prude? Go on. Hit me with it.

Move Over, Jon & Kate

2009-01-27T15:37:00.004-05:00

The world welcomed it's second set of longest living octuplets on Monday. Jon and Kate Plus 8 just got a whole lot less impressive and/or interesting with that little piece of news. I wonder how long TLC will give this poor woman before they're knocking on her door. Please pray her, especially as she's planning on breastfeeding all 8 of them!!! She's either extremely talented and dedicated, a glutton for punishment, or utterly delusional. And that, in a nutshell, is motherhood, my friends. Huzzah!

A Little Something For the Guys

2009-01-23T14:50:00.001-05:00

I saw this on a friend's Facebook page today. It was completely brilliant, hilarious, and worthy of stealing.

To The Waffle King, Master of All Things Electric, & Mouse Catcher Extraordinaire

2009-01-08T15:01:00.004-05:00

It's a long title. It could be longer if I included everything else that Ren Buckland was good at. How else can you describe him? He's a man of many talents. I've been married to him for almost ten years now, and I am still finding out things about him that I never knew before. I am constantly learning of his many hidden talents that I didn't even know existed. I swear he's lived about 1000 lives. Just being around him makes me feel like a wiser person.

He is the self-proclaimed "Waffle King," and he does make some mean waffles. My once broken oven, that got me out of doing any cooking during the holidays, is now fixed--because of Ren. And just the other night, a furry woodland creature decided to come into our home, uninvited, and give us all good scare. Ren, our hero, captured it and returned it back into the Winder wilderness, albeit much to the kids' chagrin.

I don't write about Ren enough. But that doesn't mean I'm not thankful for him. If I listed all the things I was thankful for about him, this would make for quite a long post, and you'd probably walk away feeling really bad about yourself for not being him.

He's one of the hardest working people I know. He never gives up. His patience is endless. He is generous. He's a wonderful father. A terrific husband. And I am so thankful that he was born 41 years ago today.

Happy Birthday, Sweetie. I love you!!!

Tired Mom of 4 Needs Good Laugh

2009-01-02T08:52:00.003-05:00

So here's what I'm proposing. If any one out there actually owns one of these crazy things, I insist that you show up on my doorstep wearing one. So that I may then proceed to fall on the floor and laugh uncontrollably for several hours.

Seriously, who owns one of these??? Come on and fess up.

I Will Begin, Again

2009-01-01T23:24:00.005-05:00

Well all I can say is, thank God that 2008 is over. Can I get a witness??? Whoo-whoo! So far, 2009 hasn't been so bad. We arrived here all in one piece. No one is deathly ill at the moment. Our checking account currently has more than $5 in it. And last night we brought in the new year with our dear friends, the McCollums. All the kids even made it to midnight. Well, Abigail was asleep in a pack-n-play. We celebrated with a little bit of the bubbly (bubbly cider, that is), of which Oliver was obviously a huge fan. Hopefully, the rest of 2009 will follow suit. All I know is, right now, I'm tired. And I really just wanted a reason to post this awesome picture of my son, courtesy of Tony.

Happy New Year to all. And to all, a good night.

Now, I just gotta get that darn tree down...

It's Official

2008-12-25T19:40:00.003-05:00

I hereby declare that I 100% unequivocally, passionately, and resolutely hate Christmas. Go ahead. Excommunicate me. Tell me what a horrible person I am. Tell me how angry the baby Jesus would be at me for feeling this way, much less admitting it in print. However, I'd be willing to bet that YOU did not spend your Christmas in the ER. Oh, yeah. Because I did.

Abigail woke up this morning with a 103 degree fever. She's been sick off and on for a few weeks now, and we thought she was coming out of the woods. Well, last night she just got really fussy after we got home from the Christmas eve service at our church. Very unlike herself. We had a hard time getting her to settle down to sleep, and she woke up quite a few times throughout the night. When we awoke this morning, she was on fire. Suspecting it might be an ear infection, we called the pediatrician and she told us to go on to the ER. Apparently it's very dangerous for young babies to have fevers that high. So, off we went to spend $900 and 3 hours of our blessed holiday at the hospital, all for some not-so-very-nice doctor to tell us she was fine and to go home. 'Tis the freakin' season.

So, I've never believed in curses before, but after today I am starting to think that we are under some sort of a Christmas Curse. I keep telling myself that next year things will be better. However, I've been saying that for 3 years now. And each year I tell myself that, and each year I have this sinking suspicion that things are getting worse!

So, as I've decided to not participate in flu shots next year, I am also deciding not to participate in Christmas next year. Can I do that? Is that even legal for Christians? Can I opt out? How 'bout a nice cruise instead? We can just tell the kids that's what the Good Lord and Santa would want us to do.

December 26th, you can NOT come fast enough.

Kissing Flu Shots Buh-Bye

2008-12-18T14:03:00.002-05:00

So, the kids and I have been sick for over a month now. We've been through a couple rounds of antibiotics (which have had absolutely NO effect), and I'm now convinced that what we've had for the past month is the flu.

And you wanna know the funny thing about all this??? 4 out of 6 of us had the flu shot!!!!!

I've had it. I'm done. This will be the last year I make my family suffer the flu shot. Boy, won't my kids be happy! Seriously, every year we get them, and EVERY SINGLE. BLASTED. STINKIN' YEAR WE END UP WITH THE FLU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think we're the only people I know that even get the flu shot. And we're also the only people I know that get sick from Thanksgiving until Christmas. So next year, I'm gonna do a little experiment and stick it the pharmaceutical manufacturers, and tell everyone I know to just say "NO!" to the flu shot.

Suck on that, Merck!!!

For more flu fun, I've already Googled for your reading pleasure, "flu shot doesn't work." Knowledge is power, people.

Favorite Christmas Specials, Anyone?

2008-12-15T15:50:00.003-05:00

Well, this blog's been pretty quiet lately (and I'm lookin' at you, Reader!), so I'm asking you for some responses on this one. I want you to list your top five favorite Christmas shows of all time in the comment section.

So in the spirit of Christmas, and also a little bit of desperation and paranoia, here are mine in order of favorite-ness:

1. A Christmas Story
2. A Charlie Brown Christmas
3. Elf
4. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
5. Shrek the Halls

What are your faves?

Bonhoeffer on Advent

2008-12-14T15:17:00.004-05:00

"Celebrating Advent means learning how to wait. Waiting is an art which our impatient age has forgotten. We want to pluck the fruit before it has had time to ripen. Greedy eyes are soon disappointed when what they saw as luscious fruit is sour to the taste. In disappointment and disgust they throw it away. The fruit, full of promise, rots on the ground. It is rejected without thanks by disappointed hands.

The blessedness of waiting is lost on those who cannot wait, and the fulfillment of the promise is never theirs…

Who has not felt the anxieties of waiting for the declaration of friendship or love? The greatest, the deepest, the most tender experiences in all the world demand patient waiting…

Not all can wait—certainly not those who are satisfied, contented, and feel that they live in the best of all possible worlds! Those who learn to wait are uneasy about their way of life, but yet have seen a vision of greatness in the world of the future and are patiently expecting its fulfillment. The celebration of Advent is only possible to those who are troubled in soul, who know themselves to be poor and imperfect, and who look forward to something greater to come.”

(Edwin Robertson, ed. and trans., Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s Christmas Sermons, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2005), 20-21).

Christmas is Just Around the Corner and I'm...Excited???

2008-12-12T14:09:00.013-05:00

We're already just about two weeks into December and, in typical Christmastime fashion, I have: a sinus infection that turned into a raging ear infection--complete with fluid behind my right eardrum that refuses to drain, leading to about a 30% temporary loss of hearing; kids--including the baby--with sinus infections and very hot pink eyes; a broken washing machine; a broken vacuum cleaner; a broken oven; my wonderful pre-lit SPNCT upon which entire sections of lights keep blowing out, branch by branch--I am afraid by Christmas it will be a pre-delit tree; a misplaced (read "lost") check; and, oh, and absolutely still no clue how we're going to survive this month financially and make Christmas happen to boot.

And yet, I find that I am actually kind of excited about Christmas this year.

*screech* "What the...???"

I know it's kind of strange considering the past few Christmases one can typically find me grumbling and complaining in the Bah-Humbug Lot along with Charlie Brown, the Grinch and ol' Uncle Ebenezer. And this year, as I look at the aforementioned circumstances and forward to our impending Christmas doom, I realize that the forecast isn't much brighter than it has been in previous yuletide seasons. In fact, I would say that things seem even tighter this year as we still have two hideously ugly vacant rental homes tied to our backs, which do not look like they're going to sell any time this century.

This time of year, I always find myself wishing that we could simply call the powers that be and, in the spirit of Christmas and holiday cheer, say, "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors" and they be okay with that.

But, alas, that's not the world in which we live.

So, why on earth am I excited?

I am excited about the potential we have here. The opportunity. I am excited about what I get to see God do this year. I believe our circumstances are so shoddy that only God can help us. We have no where to look but up. No where to turn to but Him. In fact, I believe that we have all the necessary ingredients for a true Christmas miracle. Like, straight out of a movie. Let's examine them, shall we?

A decent family down on their luck? Check.

A plethora of tiny urchins? Check.

A man who has a positive attitude, generous heart, and could be mistaken for George Bailey? Check.

A curmudgeonly, bitter, angry character who's in desperate need of a heart transplant? Meh. Check.

I jest. But I am actually looking forward to trading in all my stodgy, stale, and materialistic Christmas traditions in order to give God the opportunity to truly move. Listen, I'm certainly not expecting a bail-out. I don't deserve it. We've made our beds. God owes us no favors. I guess I just realize that if we are going to be able to pay our bills AND give the kids at least a gift or two under the tree, that we are going to have to witness a true Christmas miracle. I never thought I'd feel this way, but it truly is a blessed place to be when you have no where to go, but God.

And to top it all off, in the midst of these cruddy circumstances, I feel like my heart may actually be growing a size or two. In each of the aforementioned scenarios, I find myself thankful for God's provision. I am thankful that my washing machine broke AFTER I extended the warranty, thus making the repair completely no charge. I am thankful for friends and family, who are completely willing and able to loan us their vacuum cleaners until we can afford to buy a new one of our own. I am so very thankful that I am able to stay home with my children and take care of them while they are sick, that I am not working and leaving them in the care of someone else. I am thankful that, even though my oven may be broken, at least the stove top still works. I am thankful that, even though things have been tight, we've never missed a meal. And for a self-professed foodie, that is quite a big deal.

And about those houses...Hey, at least we can give our first two daughters homes as wedding gifts. In 20 or so years.

I am able to see God's provision in all of this junk. It may not be exactly what I want or how I want it. But it's there. I can't deny it. God is providing. I'm finding that it really is true that God is in even the worst of circumstances. On my way to the urgent care facility the other morning, my ear on fire, I found myself praising God that I even had a facility like this to go. It was affordable, in close proximity, and clean. I mean, what do people do who don't have access to such common things to us as antibiotics? Seriously. Things that I take for granted. Things I think I am entitled to.

My blasted sense of entitlement has taken a bloody beating this year. I'm not looking to Him for what I feel He owes me. For what I feel I deserve. I don't deserve jack. Everything I have is a gift. I call upon His help because of Who He is. Because of His great love. His eternal mercy.

God, thank You for saving a wretch like me.

And that, my friends, is why I am excited. I want to encourage any of you who might be stressing out over the holidays, worrying about money, and presents, and such. I may not be able to send out fancy Christmas cards this year. I may not be able to do all the festive things that are supposed to boost my Christmas Spirit, yet do nothing but merely end up draining our wallets. But maybe this year, instead of complaining about all the things I don't have, and all the things I wish I had, and all the things I didn't get...maybe, just maybe, for once, I will be completely content, satisfied...even happy...with a roof over our heads, food on the table, friends and family by my side, and our health and sanity intact. Maybe even this year, a true Christmas miracle has already occurred.

A changed heart.

What more could anyone ever need?

Isn't that what this time of year is all about anyway???

God bless us. Everyone.

SHREK THE HALLS

2008-12-05T14:04:00.002-05:00

Has anyone seen this yet? The kids and I DVRd it and we can't stop watching it. It's hilarious. I think it's quickly becoming one of my favorite Christmas specials.

Honestly, I think it's because it reminds me of some of my family get-togethers during the holidays. :)

Sunday Night Brain Dumpage

2008-11-30T20:14:00.004-05:00

We've had a very busy Thanksgiving weekend. Lots of family. Lots of fun.
Hence, tonight was the first night we've gotten all the kids to bed at a decent time in about a week. I am enjoying the silence.
The weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.
I already have my Christmas tree up. I actually had it up before Thanksgiving. I've never done that before. I'm usually a stickler about that. Last November we had 5 Thursdays, meaning we had another week after Thanksgiving during which to put up and enjoy the Christmas tree. Thanksgiving seemed to come really late this year.
I still need to put up the outside lights, but it's been so nasty outside. Wet and cold.
Tomorrow's the first day of December. In the words of Charlie Brown, "Good grief!"
I made an awesome turkey this year. And it wasn't that difficult. I will definitely be repeating this recipe again for future Thanksgivings. Thanks, Alton!
Are you tired of leftovers??? I found an incredible recipe for turkey soup. I made it yesterday and it was a big hit. Whoever came up with the idea for "stuffing dumplings" is a freaking genius in my book. I recommend this recipe wholeheartedly.
I sang at church today for the first time in over 3 years. I have been fighting a sinus infection, so I know I didn't sound my best. But I sure had fun doing it.
Ren and I watched most of Dane Cook's Vicious Circle today after church. I found it to be pretty disappointing.
The kids and I have all had sinus infections for over a couple of weeks now. Then, I woke up today from my afternoon nap, and my eye was red and full of gunk. Nice. So was the baby's. And so was Josephine's. Thank God we have pink eye drops already on hand.
I know this is completely freaky and will potentially gross out several of my readers, but I found this to be quite an incredible tidbit of information.
My dad is home visiting us for a week. He lives in Detroit due to his job. It's always nice to have him home with us.
"Yo man let's get out of here. Word to your mother."

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T22:57:00.002-05:00

Well, our blended Thanksgiving went off without a hitch. We had both the Bucklands and the Borgs in the hizouse. And it was great. We all shared the load with the food prep, so it was easy on everyone. It was low stress and very joyful. I can't help thinking how blessed we are to have both sets of parents still with us and still very much a part of our lives.

I grew up in a military family, and many times in our lives we found ourselves in a new location isolated from family and friends. The thought of my poor mother preparing Thanksgiving dinner all by herself honestly made me want to weep. I can't even imagine it. All I had to do was the turkey, stuffing, and deviled eggs. And even that was plenty of work, my friends. I felt so blessed as I tackled my end of the Thanksgiving deal, and the rest of my family theirs. It was community and teamwork at its very finest.

I hope and pray that each of you had a very happy Thanksgiving. Now, on to Christmas!!!

Josephine Saves the Day

2008-11-21T11:59:00.005-05:00

Sometimes you hear stories. Stories about the mistakes grown-up, intelligent, decent adults make in this job we call parenting. Stories that make you pause and take notice. Stories that may even leave you scratching your head and asking yourself, "Why on earth did they do that?" Or, "How exactly did that happen?"

Well, my friends, I'd like to share a story with you just exactly how something like "that" happened to me, just yesterday.

I ran in to Ingles to do some grocery shopping. I just needed a few things. I had just enough time to run in, get the stuff we needed, and get home before the bus brought Isabel home from school. I had my 3 littlest ones with me--Josephine, 4; Oliver, 23 months; and Abigail, 5 1/2 months.

We finished our shopping (in record time with 3 small children, I might add), checked out at the cash register, and headed back out to the car. I was feeling pretty confident.

I proceeded to get all 3 kids buckled into their car seats, so I could then load up the groceries into the van. It was then that I noticed a bottle of gingerbread flavored Coffee Mate that had somehow gotten lodged between Abigail's car seat and the shopping cart. I checked the receipt, and sure enough, they forgot to charge me for it.

Now any normal human being would have, at this point, just thrown the bonus bottle of delightful holiday flavored coffee creamer into the van with the rest of the loot and yelled "Score!" and then probably could have driven off, thinking that God had simply smiled on them that day, not ever giving it a second thought for the rest of their lives. Not me. Oh no. I was tempted. But I know myself. I would have been plagued with Coffee Mate guilt for the rest of my life. That's just the kind of person I am. I don't take anything, much to the chagrin of my poor, poor husband, lightly. I shop at this Ingles quite frequently since it's just two minutes from my house. And I knew that I could never, ever, from this day forward, after smuggling a stolen bottle of non-dairy creamer, ever be able to step foot into that Ingles with a clear conscience ever again. Every eye would be on me, even if they indeed were not. Every time I stubbed my toe or something else would go wrong, I would suspect that it was God getting back at me for not taking back the bottle or paying for it like I should.

I decided it just was not worth it. And, I, being the honest injun that I am, decided to go back inside and pay for the bottle of Coffee Mate.

Mind you, I am on borrowed time here, people. My five-year old is going to be home in just 15 minutes. I figured that it would require more time and more effort getting all 3 kids back out of their car seats by itself than it would simply running in and going through the self-check aisle with the pesky coffee creamer. I never leave them in the car by themselves. Surely, I thought, they will be fine this time, for just a few short minutes.

And I'm sure they would have been. I made sure I locked the doors. It's cool outside. Everyone was safe. I ran inside Ingles...

And realized I left my keys sitting in the front seat of my locked van.

Did I mention that I had 3 kids in that van???

Did I also mention that I had to be home in 15 minutes so that my five-year old didn't come home to a locked and empty home???

PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't have a spare key. I calmly start to coach Josephine to try to unbuckle her car seat. She's a pro at getting the top buckle of her 5-point harness undone, but not the bottom buckle. Her little fingers have just never been strong enough. So I am loudly encouraging her to try as hard as she can to press that red button.

"Honey, use all your muscles. Try harder." Fail.

By that time, I started to gather a crowd. Several baggers and Ingles patrons spotted me shouting to my daughter through the window. We were all coaching her. We even tried to get her to Houdini herself out of the buckle. "Can you wiggle out of it, Sweetie?"

Nope. Not in a Britax.

Several women at this point started offering me other solutions:

"Ma'am I'll call 911."

"Honey, can I drive you to your house so we can get your daughter?"

"Do you have anyone else that you can call? Anyone else that has a key?"

I didn't. There was nothing I could do at this point. Even if I went home with the kind lady that offered, I had no way in to the house. The garage door opener was in my car, as was my house key. So while I could be there to get Isabel when she got home from school, my 3 other children would have still been stuck inside the van in the parking lot at Ingles. Somehow, I just didn't think that was such a great plan. By then, the fire truck that was dispatched from the 911 call showed up. Oliver was very excited about this, even from inside the stuffy, locked van.

Meanwhile, Mama's trying not to have a nervous breakdown.

Just then, I hear a lady shout, "She's out!!!!" Jo, our sweaty little hero of the day, kept working at her buckle, until she finally got it. "Mama, I did it!" I heard her shout. She squeezed through the seats, and unlocked the door. Everyone cheered. And the good fireman of Barrow County totally wasted a trip, and your tax dollars, on us. We thanked everyone, raced home, and we pulled up right behind Isabel's school bus, as it dropped her off just before the moment we arrived.

Crazy day. Everyone was safe. God is so very gracious.

Life in a Nutshell (And a Whole Lot of Parentheses)

2008-11-21T10:02:00.004-05:00

Wow. So I realize that I've probably lost all 5 of my readers due to my most recent blogging strike I've been on for the past month or so. I guess I've been too busy experiencing life to blog much about it. Since I last posted, we ended up NOT going trick-or-treating (instead we opted for a family fun night out at Chuck E. Cheese's-we were surprised to find we weren't the only weirdos there--it was pretty hoppin'); I turned 32 on the 1st (which was celebrated with an evening of fabulous dinner at P.F. Chang's, a viewing of The Changeling-which was fantastic, BTW, and the last twenty minutes of It's a Wonderful Life on a portable blow up screen outside the Mall of Georgia pavillion complete with chilly weather, a cuddly spouse, and Starbuck's--it was perfect); Jo turned 4 on the 15th (complete with an inflatable jumpy birthday party); and now we already find ourselves getting ready for Thanksgiving (are you even serious???) next week as we celebrate our first ever blended Borg/Buckland Family Thanksgiving.

I feel like I have a ton of stuff to blog about, and now I'm all backlogged and such. You should expect roughly 453 posts in the next few days as I try to catch up. Hey, it's feast or famine with me. It's the manic happenin'. I hope you're in the mood to read LOADS of semi-interesting anecdotes written by yours truly. I know, who wouldn't be, right?

Oliver's Favorite Song

2008-11-01T08:40:00.001-04:00

My son requests this song no less than 50 times a day. He refers to it as "Come On." And I must say that it is one cool and catchy tune. Brought to you by Mates of State.

It's Already Been Broughten

2008-10-27T22:49:00.001-04:00

This is hilrarious, amazing, and incredible. I want to shake the hands of the people behind this work of art.

You Go, Girl

2008-10-21T13:23:00.003-04:00

I strongly recommend reading this great article about Anne Graham Lotz (Billy's daughter). As a fellow female who believes she is called to preach, I cannot tell you how much this article blessed, encouraged, and strengthened me in my faith. I would really love to hear her preach sometime. God truly does use the foolish things of this world to confound the wise.

Pumpkin...Fun???

2008-10-19T00:00:00.012-04:00

Around this time of year we as parents like to dress up our kids in costumes that they end up hating and wanting to take off after only 10 minutes. We take them apple picking when they don't even really like apples, and in fact, would rather eat cake. We bring them along on adventurous trips to pumpkin patches. We take a bunch of goofy photos of them amidst fields of brilliant, orange globes, when it's obvious that they're not even sure what a pumpkin really is and that expression clearly shows on their faces. We assume they're going to have a great time. We think that they're going to love it. But really, they try to love it because we've told them they will. We've built up the Pumpkin Patch. We've sold it to them like it's Disney World. When, really, they're just miserable. They're crying. They're tired. They're hungry. They're dirty. We somehow know that by taking them for a ride on a Cow Train, a hay ride, a smelly trip to a petting zoo, and then to pick out a pumpkin (soon to be tossed in the trash, very haphazardly decorated and/or carved, in just a few short weeks) that we've crossed the inevitable, imminent melt-down threshold. We know ahead of time that we will probably end up leaving with someone...or two...or three of them crying. And yet we forge ahead. We plod along. We march forward and stubbornly do it anyway.

What do my children know or even care about harvest except what I've told them and built up for them? About apples? About...pumpkins? We buy all of our "harvested" produce from Ingles. Do they even give a rip?

At the end of days like these, this conversation can always be overheard taking place in the family van on the way home:

"Guys, did you have fun today?"

"No!"

"Well, why not?"

"Because we didn't get to do..." (Fill in the blank with whatever ONE thing we did NOT let them do and that is the thing they will focus on for the rest of the evening).

"But didn't we have fun doing...?" (Fill in the blank with ALL the numerous things we DID do for them and with them throughout the day).

I think they really did have a good time. I did, even though there were moments when I found myself wandering through a corn maze, questioning my sanity. I sometimes think, though, that stuff like this is really more for the adults, and we get to use our kids as an excuse to act like goof balls. That's what we did this weekend. And we'll probably do it again next year. I guess it beats staying inside and watching television!

For more proof of our pumpkin fun click here. My sister-in-law, Kim, has some more great ones here.

Awww, Junk.

2008-10-16T23:11:00.007-04:00

Whew. I've been tagged by my lovely friend Erin. Which I am ever so grateful for, after the last Debbie Downer of a post I last put up. Hallelujah. Here are the rules I've been given:

*Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
*Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
*Tag seven other people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
*Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Wow. That sounds like a lot of hard work. More work than I've done in the past two weeks. But I'm gonna go ahead and give it the ol' college try. Here we go.

1. I love beets. I mean. I think they're absolutely perfect and wonderful in every way. I think their sweet, earthy, juicy flavor is probably close to what Heaven would taste like, if it were a root vegetable. Like, I could eat them every day if they weren't such a pain to prepare and didn't stain your fingers blood red for days afterwards, prompting curious questions from friends and family. Actually, I just found some the other day already prepared and prepackaged in the produce section at Ingles. This could become a dangerous habit of mine.

2. I love stand-up comedy. I laugh and laugh.

3. I visited the actual movie set of "The Neverending Story" in Munich, Germany. You can ride on Falcor's back, but they only chose 3 little twerps from my third grade class to do so. I wasn't one of them. I am not bitter about that at all.

4. I have an A.B. in Political Science and I minored in Spanish at UGA. Translation: I am a Stay At Home Mom. Go Dawgs.

5. My dad was born in Hamrun, Malta. Yes, it's a real place, and no, that's not where the malt was invented.

6. I also love sci-fi. I didn't realize this love until after I got married to a sci-fi nerd and had my first child. I didn't get hooked on Oprah or soap operas as a newbie stay at home mom. No. Every day, I climbed aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise with Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the rest of the crew and traveled the galaxy while watching reruns of "Star Trek: The Next Generation." Space. The final frontier. One of the best shows ever made. And, yes, I own every episode on DVD. Jealous?

7. Speaking of Star Trek, my maiden name is Borg. Resistance is futile.

Okay. So I am tagging...

Kim
Holly
Amy
Elaine
The Hippses
Bryan
Stephanie

Let the games begin!

Calling a Spade a Spade

2008-10-15T13:44:00.002-04:00

I just read an amazing article by Kay Warren (you know, the wife of that dude who wrote that book???) about human nature and our capacity for evil. I found it refreshingly honest, freeing, and a bit frightening all at the same time. I can't say I was surprised by anything she wrote. I'm well aware of our propensity to do wrong and have been ever since I became a Christian over 12 years ago. However, I think there's something inherent in our culture that allows us to pet, coddle, and justify our sinfulness. We're not that bad. We categorize "wrong" things together with swear words and credit card debt. I think that somewhere along the way, it's easy to lose sight of how broken we...you and me...really are. Even those we put up on a pedestal. It's easy to do. It's tempting to want to believe in humanity. To put your hope in a person. In a vision. Believe that we can change. Believe that, deep down, we really are good people. That I can make myself whomever or whatever I want to be. Believe that you hold the key to your destiny and all that rot. But we simply don't. We never have, and never will. From birth, we are broken. And will be until the day we die.

I think the message of this article is a bit hard to swallow. It's not a lighthearted read. But it ministered to me nonetheless.The truth is, I don't think we in America think of ourselves as "evil." We're not burning down villages or committing genocide or anything like that. We're good church-going folk, we pay our taxes, we provide for our families. But I think of the utter selfishness that plagues us, and it frightens me. I see it even within myself. We are willing to go to great lengths to have our "rights," even, and especially, at the expense of everything and everyone else around us. As long as our needs our met, right?

I find myself coming face to face with my own selfishness as I try desperately to mother these 4 precious gifts that God has given me. They remind me, every day, of how absolutely selfish, shallow, and self-centered I truly am. Parenthood will do that to you. Thank God we have a Savior, right?

Anyway, enjoy the article. I really didn't mean for this to turn into a rant. Sheesh.

Round 3

2008-10-06T07:46:00.002-04:00

The problem with having so many small children is that any time any one of them gets sick, it's pretty much guaranteed that every one of them will eventually get it. At least this one's old enough to make it to the toilet. Count your many blessings, right?

Food For Thought

2008-10-03T12:14:00.004-04:00

I keep coming across some very cool quotes by G.K. Chesterton. I've never read any of his stuff, but the quotes I keep reading are making me want to go out and find something he's written. I just read this, and in light of all the political debates and campaigning and whatnot, I found it to be quite accurate and humorous.

The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of the Conservatives is to prevent the mistakes from being corrected.

Anybody ever read any of his stuff? If so, any recommendations?

Round 2

2008-10-03T08:55:00.004-04:00

Just when you think it's safe to put the spew bucket away...

My apologies to those with weak stomachs. The graphic really is much nicer than the reality.

Some Useless Trivia

2008-10-02T20:48:00.003-04:00

Do you know what the surfing phrase "Hang Ten" really means? I totally didn't know until today. Hanging ten is a surfing maneuver where the surfer positions his or herself on the front of the surfboard so that all ten toes hang off the nose of the board. Hence the name: Hang Ten. Pretty cool. Or totally crazy. I'm not sure which one!

I may be completely putting myself out there as the dork of the century by admitting to not knowing this, and for the fact that I learned it while watching this awesome show. But hey, what can I say. I live on the edge. I Hang Ten. On LIFE.

Boo-Ya!

Chaos

2008-10-02T09:25:00.003-04:00

The lyrics to this song have been playing through my head this morning. It's funny how you can listen to a song, or read something, or watch a scene from your favorite movie over and over again, and the full weight of its meaning doesn't impact you for some time. The combination of time and a similar set of experiences seem to open up a window in your mind, letting you in on what the author was feeling at the time he or she wrote it. All that to say, I seem to have a deeper appreciation for the lyrics to this great song these days.

Complication's my claim to fame
And I can’t believe there’s another
Constantly just another
I can’t avoid what I can’t control
And I’m losing ground
Still I can’t stand down
And I know, yeah I know, yeah

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down my chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around's breaking down my chaos

It’s hard to trust anyone again
After all the let downs I’ve been through
Haunted by what I’ve been through
Air still trapped while I still can't breathe
And I’m screaming out
Give me hope somehow
And I know, yeah I know, yeah

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down my chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around's breaking down my chaos

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down my chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around's breaking down my chaos

Chaos, chaos
I know you stay true, yeah
I know you stay, yeah, yeah, yeah

I know you stay true, everything around's breaking down
I know you stay true, everything around's breaking down

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down my chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around's breaking down my chaos

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down my chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around's breaking down my chaos

Ewwwww

2008-09-30T14:36:00.002-04:00

I'll spare you the gory details, because I care deeply about all my readers (hey, that's just the kind of gal I am ;). But I will say this...Stomach bugs and small children, when combined, make for a very gross, smelly, exhausting day. Not a lot of fun.

An Apple-y Day

2008-09-28T20:20:00.017-04:00

This weekend we kicked off our love of Fall with our yearly pilgrimage to Ellijay in Gilmer County, the apple capital of Georgia. Every year since Isabel was a baby, we've gone to Hillcrest Orchards, where we enjoy wagon rides, pig races, a petting farm, watching cloggers, and stuffing our faces with all sorts of yummy goodness. A favorite treat of mine are the hot homemade apple cider doughnuts. Oh. My. Lord. I could eat my weight in those things. And usually do.

This year was the first year we actually picked our own apples. The girls are big enough to help us now. They had so much fun. We were even joined by some friends from church, Aimee and her lovely sister, Zinnia, and their kids. A good time was had by all!

As is also our custom, after visiting the apple orchard, we headed on over to Poole's Bar-B-Q, which, in my opinion, is the gold standard of barbecue. Trust me, you don't get barbecue like this anywhere near here. It's a shame we have to drive almost 2 hours to get it. Then again, seeing as how I lack the inner self-control for things like flan and apple cider doughnuts, that's probably a good thing!

The Way-Yay-ting is the Hardest Part

2008-09-24T07:35:00.004-04:00

Waiting is a theme near and dear to my heart. Hence the name of this here blog. It seems I spend a good portion of my walk with the Lord waiting on Him, waiting for Him to move. Waiting for something to happen, waiting on an answer to prayer, or for a circumstance to change. However, I don't hear very many preachers talk about waiting much these days. I don't think it's a very popular subject. Funny, when you consider the fact that King David included the phrase "Wait for the Lord" in SEVERAL of the psalms that he wrote. Frankly, we don't like waiting. Waiting is hard. It's not fun. To us, it implies inactivity. Stagnation. I think we live in a society where we've come to expect instant results. And if we don't see immediate results, explosive growth, and huge impact we automatically (and incorrectly, might I add) assume that something is wrong. We want everything instant, fast, and easy. Instant oatmeal. Instant grits. Minute Rice. Quick Trip. Fast food. Easy Mac. I was just complaining to the Lord yesterday that no matter what we go through, the results that He seems to bring us come slowly, painfully, and sometimes in minute increments. Hard, slow, small. My question to Him then became, "Can we ever have something BIG, FAST, and EASY???" My mother and I once remarked how the "waiting for your ship to come in" dream that we often have in life is frequently fulfilled, not by a cruise liner filled with glorious riches, but rather a tugboat packed, seemingly haphazardly, enough with a just day's rations. And yet, that faithful little tugboat always comes.

Some might say my faith is too small. It may be. I won't try to argue that, because I can't tell you if it is or isn't. It's my faith, so it's really all I know. But what I think, is that it's not necessarily the size of my faith that matters (see Matthew 17:20), but rather where my faith lies. Namely, is it in God or in my circumstances? Is it in God or in myself? What He can do through me or what I erroneously think I can do for Him? Is it in the tugboat...or the Captain Who remembers me and graciously sends it in my direction?

This is what the Lord keeps bringing me back to: Keeping my eyes steadily fixed upon Himself. Upon His goodness. Upon His faithfulness. Upon His Joy. His peace. Not what He can do for me, but rather Who He is. This is why Paul could say "For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:11-13, NIV). That's how Paul could survive being shipwrecked, imprisoned, beaten, etc., with his faith still intact. And it certainly makes waiting all the more bearable.

I hear too much about "doing." Too much. What I don't hear enough about is waiting. I felt the Father speak to me this morning as I read these words from my Streams in the Desert devotional that,

"...the Spirit requires not only a service of work but also a service of waiting. I came to see that in the kingdom of Christ, there are not only times for action but times to refrain from action. And I also came to learn that a place of isolation is often the most useful place of all in this diverse world. It's harvest is more rich than the seasons when the corn and wine were the most abundant...Dear Holy Spirit, my desire is still to be led by You. Nevertheless, my opportunities for usefulness seem to be disappointed, for today the door appears open into a life of service for You but tomorrow it closes before me just as I am about to enter. Teach me to see another door even in the midst of the inaction of this time. Help me to find, even in the area of service where You have closed a door, a new entrance into Your service. Inspire me with the knowledge that a person may sometimes be called to serve by doing nothing, by staying still, or by waiting. And when I remember the power of Your 'gentle whisper' (1 Kings 19:12), I will not complain that sometimes the Spirit allows me not to go.--George Matheson

There is no place, I would rather be, Lord, than waiting for You. What else is there, really? Anything else is just an illusion.

You Know You Need To Get Out More...

2008-09-23T10:09:00.002-04:00

When you start to develop a crush on these guys. Their show totally rocks, BTW. Their music is the most non-annoying brand of kids' music I've ever heard. My kids totally love them. And apparently, so do I.

Deactivation Station

2008-09-23T08:07:00.005-04:00

For the time being, I have decided to deactivate my Twitter and Facebook accounts. Don't worry. I haven't gone off the deep end. I am just at a place in my life where the Isolation + Facebook + Twitter = Unhealthy Amount of Time Spent on Computer. Don't get me wrong. I am in no way anti-Facebook or Twitter. In fact, I love both of them and have logged many hours on each one. But I really feel that they should be a supplement to your social life, not a substitute. When you wake up one day and realize all your adult interactions are via Cyberspace, it's time to make some changes! Maybe I'll pick them back up later on. But for now, I'm taking a much needed break. Just wanted to give everyone a heads up when you see that Cyber Me has all of a sudden vanished from internet social networking. I'm still here. Still alive. The Waiting Room will go on. But I'll hopefully be interacting with some actual human beings for a change. They may be random homeless people in downtown Winder...But at this point, beggars can't be choosers. Ha!

Happiness Is A Warm Couch

2008-09-22T17:30:00.002-04:00

Most of you know how I feel about my couch. Well, I must inform you that it looks even worse now. Ren often asks me what would make me happy. I think I've found just the thing.

Great Interview

2008-09-22T10:08:00.002-04:00

I am a huge Sara Groves fan. I have been since her album, Conversations, came out in 1999. I have always appreciated her honesty in her songwriting. She's a Christian, but doesn't sugarcoat things. I found this interview with her about two years ago, and it really ministered to me then. I stumbled across it again this morning, and it still blesses me. I find it encouraging to read that others have grappled with questions, and not always had immediate answers. It is also good to be reminded that God is still faithful, even in the midst of questions, doubt, and fear, and He will bring us through whatever storms we are facing. I hope it will inspire you, too.

Playing Hurt

2008-09-21T21:03:00.006-04:00

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and I mentioned that I've been intentionally keeping my blog topics pretty fluffy lately. Talking about the weather, DVRs, and the Disney Channel is all pretty safe public forum fodder. You can talk about that stuff and stay pretty guarded. I also mentioned that if I got any deeper or more vulnerable than that, that I'd probably end up scaring or ticking off one or two of the 5 readers that actually frequent the Waiting Room. Truth is, folks, I'm not sure I can keep it up. Allow me some room to vent a little. Warning: Not for the squeamish or easily offended.

To be quite frank, life just sucks right now. There. I said it. You want to know what life with 4 small children ages 5 and under is like? You want to know what it's like with suffocating debt? You want to know what it's like living 30-45 minutes from everything, including the church that you love and helped build and would love to be more involved but simply can't imagine any way to make that happen? It sucks. All of it. Plain and simple. Think: HELL. Now, there are moments of sweetness and cuteness thrown into the mix for grins and giggles, but for the most part it's just plain hard. It's like being in Baby Boot Camp 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There is no break for lunch. There is no time off. There is no vacation. There is no pay. There is no peace and quiet. Ever. There's never enough sleep. There's never enough time to do...anything. Everything that you've assumed were basic human rights simply...aren't...anymore. I can't eat fast enough. I can't breath fast enough before someone else is needing something from me. Everything I clean needs cleaning 20 minutes later. I cook food for tiny little dictators who hate WHATEVER I put in front of them. I think it's safe to say that the majority of my days are largely joy-less. Good times.

It's Sunday and I'm playing hurt. I have to just keep rolling with the punches. I have to just keep moving. Sundays used to be my favorite day of the week. I loved going to church and serving and feeling like I was a part of something big. Having a purpose. Having a vision. Now, it's just flat-out painful. Painful because we live so far away AND our children are so young...and so many...it's just incredibly difficult to be involved in any capacity, which is our heart. Today, we had to listen to Oliver, who is in the throes of TERRIBLE TWO TEMPER TANTRUM TODDLER-DOM, scream at the top of his lungs for 45 minutes all the way home, even after daddy pulled the vehicle over and gave him an "attitude adjustment." That's a PC way of saying "spanking" for the layperson, by the way.

Nothing is easy right now. Nothing. I feel like I'm in a pressure cooker. Having 4 kids is tough enough as it is. I feel like one of the stressors we are dealing with would be enough to drive anyone insane. But our plates are loaded, and I've never felt so isolated or disconnected in my life. We still have two empty houses in Athens that need to sell. So that's, count 'em, THREE mortgages that we are servicing. With the housing market the way that it is, I realize that it's simply by the grace of God that we haven't foreclosed on any of them yet.

But am I really supposed to be smiling and singing "Hallelujah!" through all of this? I try counting my blessings...daily. We're all healthy. We have food. Clothing. And a roof over our heads. I get it. I try to focus on the things I can be thankful for. I try to see the silver lining--daily. And I am sure that in 5 or 10 years or so, I will be able to look back on this time and see what God is doing. But. Dang. Right now, I just don't. I'm sorry, but I want more. Like maybe...Oh, I don't know...some ENJOYMENT!!!!! I so relate to the Israelites in the wilderness. If I had to eat manna and quail for 40 years, I think I'd be pretty sour, too. They had just seen God miraculously deliver them from the hands of Pharaoh through a series of incredible events, culminating in the parting of the Red Sea. They saw what God could do. They'd seen His power firsthand. What I want to know is, at what point do my complaints start to be valid? How much pain does a person have to be in before it becomes legitimate enough to complain about? At what point does my hurt become real enough to acknowledge? At what point do I have the right to say, "Huh. This kind of sucks." And it actually count?

I literally feel stranded on the side of the road with everyone passing by at a 100 MPH. And here's the thing, I certainly don't expect a bail-out. I'm not looking for solutions. I'm not looking for someone to wave a magic wand over my problems and make them all go away. We are in this situation, and we've got to just power through it. I just need some room to vent. I need some room to say, "EVERYTHING'S NOT OKAY!!!!!!" And for that to be okay.

And you know what? I know that we will be okay. I know that God will pull us through this. Somehow. Being around pain makes uncomfortable. And when someone's hurting, we just want them to stop it. It's a reminder that everything is not right with the world. But what I am learning through all this, is that when someone's hurting, they're not looking for you to say anything or do anything profound. They...I...Anyone who's hurting...All we really want is to know we're not alone. That someone gives a damn. That it's okay to vent a little bit. That is okay to be a frickin' human being. And that someone's listening.

They say pain makes you stronger. Bill Cosby says, "You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it." So, when all is said and done, and we make it through these less than pleasant circumstances, I am expecting to be the strongest and funniest woman alive!

Although, as I write this, Ren is watching a show about living life as conjoined twins, making all of my problems seem all of a sudden so...trivial. Of course!!!

It's Beginning to Feel a Lot Like Fa-all

2008-09-05T15:19:00.010-04:00

Well, Fall in Georgia, that is. Meaning that it's been averaging in the 80s. We've had some beautiful weather here in Winder. The kiddos and I have actually gotten to play outside a little bit without the necessary shower and change of clothes afterwards. That's especially nice considering that getting the 5 of us dressed once a day is hard enough as it is! I welcome Fall with open arms. We've been cooped up in the house all summer, so this is a nice breath of fresh air. Pun intended.

Fall is my absolute, 100% favorite season. I love the cooler weather. Cooler weather clothes. The leaves changing colors. Apples. Apple cider. Pumpkins. Hay rides. And holidays that as a Christian, I'm not supposed to like, but totally do. Guilty as charged.

Abby Jean turned 3 months old on the 6th. I'm amazed that we've already reached the 3 month mark with her so fast. In another three months, she'll be 6 months. And in another 3 months will be Christmas. I always say, at the beginning of every September, "Christmas will be here before you know it!" And everyone always looks at me like I am crazy. Well, I may be, but that's beside the point! Mark my words, December will be rolling around in the blink of an eye and you will remember my profound words of wisdom. Naturally.

Denied

2008-09-04T21:53:00.005-04:00

Have I mentioned that the wonderful, amazing and free DVR that we were given has already crashed? Yeah, it worked for about 12 hours. Well, to be fair, we were given the thing with the knowledge that it needed a new hard drive. And, Ren, forever the unwavering optimist that he is (trust me, it can be maddening!) set it up anyway believing that, somehow, those rules of broken hard drive-ness did not apply in the Buckland Realm of Reality. This awe-inspiring confidence of his has gotten us into trouble in the past. And it seems that we are being challenged with it yet again.

I will give him credit for trying. But now that he's out of town and we are thusly DVR-less, I am left shaking my fists at the heavens shouting "Throw me a frickin' bone!"

In my closet with the door closed while the children are napping, of course.

Everything Nice

2008-09-04T14:06:00.007-04:00

Ren is out of town for the week, so I am juggling (literally and figuratively) 4 little ones solo. Let me tell you, it ain't easy. I have to make sure that one or two or three are settled first before I can tend to another one or two or three. This is especially tricky at nap time, bed time, lunch time, when I shower, brush my teeth, take any number of simple trips to the bathroom, any time I breath...or at any other time of day, for that matter. Well, today I had to get Oliver down for his nap. I sat Abigail down in her Bumbo Seat (I highly recommend one if you have a baby) in the middle of the kitchen floor. And this is what I came back to find:

Josephine is turning into quite the little mommy now that she's the oldest kid in the house while Isabel is at school. She even said she made sure to give Abigail "soft food." Now, the "food" was made out of plastic, but it's the thought that counts!

Happier Days Are Here Again

2008-09-01T15:59:00.004-04:00

I must give a shout out of thanks to Stephen Lowe who just gave us a ReplayTV DVR. He acquired it from the McCollums, so I must say thank you to both families for passing on a perfectly functioning, albeit six-year old piece of technology to a desperate family in need. Which goes to show you that if you complain loud enough, someone might just give you what you want in order to shut you up. And I can back that up with scripture, my friends.

It really is true that one man's garbage is another man's (and woman's) treasure. And by treasure I mean idol. And by idol I mean Ren and I have built a small shrine to our newest member of the family and bow down to it several times a day. Nah, I'm only kidding, but I did almost start crying when we got it up and running.

And how did our kids thank us?

By popping in a 17 year-old movie into the VCR.

Ingrates.

Got My Vote

2008-08-30T11:23:00.002-04:00

Apparently my husband has a new career plan that he didn't bother to clear with me first. Check it out here.

Disney Channel Temporarily Sucks

2008-08-28T08:01:00.003-04:00

Apparently, Disney Channel is still on their summer schedule. And now that we no longer have Dish Network and are subsequently DVR-less *sniff*, we are subjected to watch whatever is determined by the powers that be in TV Land. It's hard times over here at the Buckland House. I have Jo, who will be four in November, and Oliver, 20 months old, at home with me. And the baby, of course, but she doesn't really pack in any substantial television watching at her age. That being said, I am not loving the programming schedule they currently have running. I started to worry that it might be permanent. But now I know it's only temporary and oodles of preschool shows will be returned to us the second week in September. Thank God, because right now we are subjected to hours, and I mean HOURS, of Hannah Montana and Zack and Cody. I believe I may have somehow stumbled into Hell.

Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-Hannah or Zack and Cody. I'm sure my kids will be avid viewers of these shows or something akin to them when they are a little bit older. But I am in no hurry to get my babies into watching those shows right now. Again, I'm sure they're wholesome teen shows, and if you let your kids watch these shows, I don't judge, yo. Just put them on at a more suitable time, is all I'm sayin'. Oh, and Nick Jr. is no better. Right now they're airing back to back episodes of Spongebob Squarepants. I like Spongebob, but the humor is a little over my toddlers' disproportionately over-sized heads.

I browsed around Disney's website in search for someone to whom I could send a "friendly" email, but didn't have any luck. Maybe they are completely out of touch and think that everyone in America has a DVR...Oh wait, maybe they do. Or maybe I just need to get of my lazy duff and get the kids outside more. And shut up and be patient until September 8. But for now we are forced to watch PBS. And I really don't know how much more Caillou I can handle.

A Boy and His Cord

2008-08-26T10:23:00.006-04:00

As many of you know, my husband, Ren, is in the IT business. Translation: Our house is creatively decorated with miscellaneous power cords, power supplies, hard drives, broken down computers, printers, monitors, faxes, etc., at any given time. We have several drawers dedicated throughout the house to stashed power cords and plugs. Enter in a certain busy-bodied, incredibly mischievous 20 month old boy. You see where this is going. As I write this, he's sitting on the kitchen floor, helping himself to an entire box of Nilla Wafers that he himself pulled out of the pantry. Pulling random things out of cupboards, drawers, and pantries is a favorite pastime of his as of late. Oliver has also developed a love for power cords in particular. Put those two loves together and you have Buckland Toddler Boy Nirvana. He pulls them out, I put them away. This can happen anywhere from 20 to 437 times in one day.

He would rather play with a safe, kid-friendly pile of electrical wires than his own toys. Matchbox cars? Ha! Action figures? He laughs in their plastic little faces! He likes to hold on to said cords and carry them throughout the house. He drapes them around his shoulders and wears them like a prized piece of fashion, as is evidenced in the photo above. He even attempts (and is successful at times) to take a cord in the car with him when we go "Bye Bye." The most interesting place to which he's ever taken one of his cords was blueberry picking. Sometimes he wakes up in the morning and the first thing he says to us is, "I wahn mah coooord!" Any cord will do, in fact. However, he does have some cords that he loves more than others. Take Ren's white iPhone charger, for instance. This one we've literally had to pry out of his hands when it comes time to eat, bathe, or take a nap. This one has made Daddy very upset on more than one occasion.

I don't know what this says about our son. It appears that he not only looks like his daddy, but is also showing some signs that they may have the same personality as well. It has long been suspect that Oliver is actually Ren's clone. This latest development in his character may just be the proof of the pudding.

And I Cried

2008-08-15T14:07:00.007-04:00

Friday was Isabel's first day of Kindergarten. After what I witnessed that morning and every morning since then, I now firmly believe we are making the right choice by sending her, and I am convinced she was tailor-made for school. She woke up promptly at 6:15 AM--that's actually normal for her, my little early bird. She came running out of her room, wide-eyed and ready to take on the world. As she ate breakfast, Ren and I explained some rules and regulations to be followed, gave her a loving pep talk, got her ready and she headed out the door to wait for the bus. Yes, the bus. We offered to drive her and walk her to her class, but she insisted on taking the bus to her new school. She wanted the whole public school experience from start to finish. I never rode the bus as a child, and I can't even imagine riding it the first day of a new school. But Isabel challenged that big, yellow, government vehicle with all the Buckland Confidence she could muster. And she was the victor. The bus came, stopped right in front of our house, she bounded down the driveway, climbed up and grabbed a seat, and we waved and smiled as she drove away.

I didn't cry when she drove away. And I didn't cry while she was at school. I was so busy with the other three at home that I barely had time to miss her. Before I knew it the big, yellow bus was bringing her safely back home. She told me all about her day and couldn't wait to go back.

But I did cry. What she doesn't know, is that very first morning I woke up before everyone else and couldn't go back to sleep until I prayed for my precious firstborn child. I cried and poured my heart out to God to bless my daughter with success, favor, and opportunities that I never had. Yeah, I know it's just Kindergarten. So maybe I am being a bit melodramatic. But it's a new beginning for her. And one that I hope and pray that, for her, will be a wonderful start.

A Summer of Firsts and a Two Month Old

2008-07-15T14:16:00.007-04:00

Abigail turned two months old on the 6th. There really isn't much new to report. She's two months old, i.e. she doesn't do a whole lot. But she is as cute and sweet as ever. She is still sleeping like a champ, and is officially sleeping through the night. For just about every night this week, she's packed in about 9 hours of sleep per night. That's kind of unheard of, isn't it? Even Isabel, my best sleeper as an infant, didn't start sleeping through the night until she was three months old. We are very thankful that Abby Jean is such a sweet, laid back little girl. I wish she'd start giving lessons to the other whacked-out three.

Isabel, the 5 year old and the oldest of our brood, is getting ready to start Kindergarten in just one week! I was worried with the birth of Abigail in June that we were going to be pretty homebound thus giving us a very uneventful summer. It ain't easy getting out with all four. But so far, we've managed to keep ourselves pretty busy. We've visited the library several times, providing us with hours of book reading--which has led us to a major milestone for Miss Isabel. She's reading all by herself. We knew she was starting to recognize certain words, thanks to her experience in K4. But give her just about any simple sentence, and she can read it. Any simple word, and she sounds it out like a pro. The other night, she read me Green Eggs and Ham without me having to read it to her first. I am so proud of her!

Isabel and Jo have also taken some swim lessons this summer. They both love the water. They are jumping in and splashing around like little fish. Which leads us to our next major milestone--Isabel has learned how to swim. She jumps in and will swim to Ren. She is so proud of herself. We're quite proud of her, too.

I can't believe I have a 5 year old! And a very smart and talented one at that!

More Stronger

2008-07-14T16:32:00.001-04:00

This, ladies and gentlemen, is my pastor. Jealous?

One Month Milestones

2008-07-11T15:22:00.006-04:00

Miss Abigail Jean turned 1 month old on July 6th. I can't believe a month has already gone by. It really has been a blur. I can truly say that this has been the hardest and most tiring work I've ever done. I've never been so busy and so tired! Yet, Abigail is still the sweetest, most easy-going, sleepy little laid back baby that ever was. She is content no matter what we do with her. She's happy just to sleep, eat, and hang out. She hardly ever cries. She truly is a joy. We all love her so much.

She had her 1 month check-up today, and the doctor said she's doing great. She's already 10 lbs and 14 oz. She's been smiling at us since she was 10 days old; the earliest any of my babies have smiled. And lately she's been trying to talk to us. She still likes to sleep quite a bit during the day, and she's even sleeping some good long stretches at night time. Every time I look at her I am reminded of God's goodness and grace.

It's the other three that cause me to question...

Hee hee. Not really.

Surrendering to My Fatness

2008-07-10T18:59:00.004-04:00

There's an old saying that "every baby comes with a loaf of bread under his arm." Now if that were true, that would make for quite an awkward delivery. Epidural or not. However, it is a fact that with every baby born at Fusion Church also arrives an amazing array of diligently scheduled home cooked meals to the lucky family. I've been able to witness (and taste) this miracle firsthand with my last three children. The other night, a wonderful couple, Aimee & Jose Gonzalez, from our church offered to bring us dinner, even though we'd already consumed our regularly scheduled three weeks' worth of good graces. From what I understand, Jose (who's Cuban) is the cook, and Aimee (who's originally from Venezuela) delivers the meals with her lovely personality and smile.

Well last night Aimee brought us Arroz con Pollo (chicken with rice), steamed veggies, and homemade flan. It couldn't have come at a better time, since Ren has been working late quite a bit lately. So not having to worry about the added stress of dinner, with 4 kids, without Ren's help was a godsend. Suffice it to say, I was also able to enjoy the majority of by myself. The Arroz con Pollo was a great dinner last night, and tonight. And the flan...Well, it's been good all day.

Let me just state for the record, that I'm not typically the biggest flan fan. But this flan? I'm not quite sure what Jose puts in it. But if anything can be wonderful, beautiful, and evil all at the same time, I may have discovered it. The only thing better would be Pocket Flan, but only if it were guaranteed to be this good. Something, however, tells me it wouldn't.

I never used to be a big sweets person. I could live without them. Now, however, it seems that I am living solely on them. Particularly with this flan. I, honest to goodness, woke up at 3:00 AM, due to a certain one-month old, and could not go back to sleep until I had more of this sticky, sweet, gooey, confectionery curse. I never imagined myself as one of those people you see in commercials padding down into the kitchen and furtively rummaging through the refrigerator in the middle of the night in search of a snack. But last night, I was that pathetic person.

And guess what I had for breakfast this morning? Flan.

Snack? You guessed it!

What I'm about to eat after I finish this post? Oh yeah.

At first I thought there might be something wrong with me. But after speaking with my mother, who also is familiar with Jose and The Flan, I was relieved to find that I wasn't alone. I can honestly say that I've singlehandedly eaten the entire plate of flan myself. I can also say that I, at this point in my life, lack the inner resources to fight it. I used to be thin. Back when I was in college, teaching aerobics, before kids, and...twenty freakin' four. But I am starting to wonder if maybe this is how I'll be living from now on. Quite frankly, I am enjoying myself too much to do anything about it!

Yahoo for flan!

Life with 4, 5 and Under

2008-06-23T09:58:00.005-04:00

We're a little over two weeks into this crazy parenting gig we've gotten ourselves into. And there's no turning back. Even though Ren and I have always said we wanted at least 4 children, and we wanted to have them close together, honestly, it's rather difficult to imagine oneself caring for this many small children at one time. I know, we should have planned and prepared ourselves a little bit more. It boggles my mind when I think of the sheer magnitude of tiny people running around this house at any given moment. We are our own day care center. At times, it even appears that they are multiplying. They seem to be coming out of the woodwork. One will leave the room, and suddenly 2 or 3 or more suddenly appear! In fact, they're a lot like Mogwai. Remember them? They deceptively cute and fun and snuggly upon first introduction. But there's something about getting them wet and feeding them after midnight that turns them into these bad boys. What's even funnier is when friends with little ones come over to visit. It's like one big, energetic, attention span impaired, sassy, K4 infestation.

Basically, my day consists of playing short order cook, wiping multiple tiny hinies, not showering until 4 PM, rescuing the baby from imminent danger posed by her siblings, and watching hours of children's programs. I would be lying if I said this is how I imagined what my life would be like back in high school. I probably imagined something a wee bit more glamorous. But, it is what it is. I know this time won't last forever. They'll all grow up too fast, and when I'm an empty nester I'll be wishing they were all back home pestering me. Unless of course, Ren and I win the lottery. Then we'll be cruising the world, and we'll be too rich and too busy to miss this crazy biz.

Here's something worth pondering: Someone pointed out to me the other day that when Isabel (#1 in birth order) is 25, Abigail (#4) will be 20! How the heck is that even possible? I think we're going to have to win the lottery. Either that or they're funding their own way through college.

Abigail is 17 days old as I write this. She is spending more and more of her day awake now, and she is still just the sweetest, loveliest, and most easy going baby ever. I guess God gave her a good talking to before she made her entrance into this world!

Abigail Jean

2008-06-10T08:28:00.006-04:00

She's here! Abigail Jean Buckland was born on Friday night, June 6, 2008 at 11:01 PM. She weighed in at 8 lbs. 6 oz, and measured 19.5 inches long. She's totally beautiful and perfect in every way. And we are all so very happy to have her in our family.

Now her original due date was June 11. So she is 5 days early. A first for a Buckland child. All my other labors were overdue. I've never been a big fan of induction, and thankfully have never had to be induced. However, this being my fourth pregnancy, taking care of three small children, and my last labor experience, were all factors in helping Ren and I come to a brave new decision.

I allowed myself to be induced with Abigail. *gasp*

I didn't really plan on this until the very end. As I was growing more and more exhausted, and as we approached the due date with hastening speed, I was getting more and more nervous about what we would actually do once I went into labor. Isabel and Josephine were present for Oliver's birth, but that wasn't by design. That was by necessity since we barely made it to the hospital. They handled it well, and they were very sweet to have with us in the delivery room. My son, on the other hand, no dice. I knew one thing for certain. I DID NOT want my 18 month old bundle of energy in the delivery room with me. I kept thinking we needed to come up with a better plan.

I kept telling Ren that if I went to my next appointment and the midwives told me I was 4 cm dilated (a common occurrence in all my pregnancies), that I would probably go ahead and check myself into the hospital and let them induce me. I had my weekly check-up on Friday morning with the midwives, and sure enough, she said I was a good 3-4 cm. Meaning: This baby could literally come and any time and when it does hold on to your hats! So, I went back home, got my bags packed, kissed the kiddos goodbye (my mom was already with them), ate some lunch, and waited for Ren to meet me at the house. We left for the hospital at about 2:45 PM. It was so calm and civilized. A far cry from my last labor!

We made it to the hospital. Checked in. Got settled. My sister Sharla arrived. And my midwife started me on a VERY slow Pitocin drip at 6:45 PM. And when I say slow, I mean that in a range of 0-40 cc, she only got me up to 4 cc. Very slow, very controlled. And the way to go, in my case. I've always heard horror stories about Pitocin, that they cause horrendous contractions, that the pain is unmanageable without an epidural, etc. My midwife told us this is usually because the doctor jacks it up too high, too soon. I started having very regular contractions after just an hour of being on 2 cc of Pitocin. I noticed no difference in Pitocin contractions vs. the regular non-induced contractions from my previous labors. They felt the same to me.

I got to 6 cm after about two hours with just the Pitocin. Then she broke my water about 9:00. Labor picked up and started to intensify. Still, everything felt so calm, controlled, and smooth compared to my last labor, that all I kept thinking was--INDUCTION ROCKS!!! Granted, there are numerous factors involved. It depends on the pregnancy, the one performing the induction, how far along you are, etc. And I know it should never be entered into lightly. And in our case it wasn't. It couldn't have gone any smoother. Abigail Jean was born a couple hours after the midwife broke my water. All without an epidural. No stitches needed. Momma and baby both very happy.

We got home Sunday afternoon, and have had a nice time to relax and transition to being at home. Ren has been home with us for two days, so that's been wonderful. I will be sad when he has to go back to work, but somebody's got to earn some money around here! Thankfully, we are surrounded by a lot of loving family and friends, so we feel like we have a good support system already in place.

So far, she's doing great. Nursing and sleeping really well. The other kids are smitten with her. Especially her sisters. They adore her. To them, she's a living baby doll. Even Oliver likes her, which is surprising to me. He wants to hug her and touch her a lot. He's already a great big brother.

God is good.

Summer Days=Fun Days

2008-06-05T16:11:00.002-04:00

I've really been enjoying my time with my kids already this summer. Funny, considering that summer hasn't even technically started yet. I may be singing a different tune come August. But for now, we've been hanging out and taking advantage of the beautiful, warm weather. Going to parks, libraries, and swimming pools. We've been so busy this past year, that I haven't really had time to just enjoy my kids. But now that I am unemployed, and Isabel's out of school, our schedule has really cleared up. Being unemployed kind of rocks.

For some reason, taking them places used to feel like such a chore. But compared to our hectic schedule this past year, lately it's been feeling like a walk in the park. Literally, like a walk in the park...since that's what we did yesterday. I've gotten so used to getting them ready and out the door every morning, that now I feel like I'm on vacation. I truly needed this break. Today, we spent all the glorious morning/day with our dear friend, Amy, and her amazing pool. We all had a blast.

Not sure at this point what life with Baby #4 is going to add to our fun equation. Hopefully, we'll still be able to get out and have as much fun as we've been having together. Lately, more now than ever before, I've been realizing how special these kids o' mine are, and how quickly they are going to grow up. And one day, too soon I'm afraid, I'll be wishing they were little again. I am realizing, more and more, how precious this time is that I have with them.

I like my kids.

Less than two weeks to go...

2008-05-30T15:08:00.003-04:00

Well, I met with the midwives today, and every thing's looking like it's supposed to. I am now 38 weeks and 2 days. That means we have a little less than 2 weeks to go. If she's on time. If she wants to hang out in utero the way Josephine did, than I still have a month left of pregnancy. I sincerely pray that is not the case.

This has by far been the hardest pregnancy I've had. I guess that's what happens when you carry 4 full-term babies back to back in 6 years. It takes its toll out on you. And the old grey mare, she ain't what she used to be. And let's face reality here people, I'm not getting any younger. When I first started this journey called motherhood I was 24, fresh faced and about to graduate from college, and in the best shape of my life as a recently retired aerobics instructor. Needless to say, the fact that I haven't done a single grapevine in those 6 years, coupled with taking care of 3 little ones, while carrying another little one, has made this pregnancy the most taxing. I'm tired all the time. I'm even convinced that I may have somehow acquired pregnancy-induced narcolepsy. I can no longer stay awake even for my favorite shows. I've never heard of this disorder before, and I've never known anyone else to have it. So I may be the first. But I think it's for real...

I've never been a fan of the pregnancy aspect of child bearing. Give me labor and delivery once a month for 9 months, but do NOT give me 270 days of back pain, cramping, nausea, muscle spasms, heartburn, weight gain, and all the other unspeakable aspects of pregnancy. I guess it has something to do with the way I'm wired. I'd choose sprints--impulse, intensity, sudden bursts of energy--over marathons--steady, paced, in it for the long haul--any day of the week.

To the menfolk--if you get squeamish with pregnancy details, then stop reading here. But most of you are dads, so you're probably familiar with all the terminology. However, for all of you who DO care--i.e., my lady friends--as of today, I am 2 cm dilated, and 70% effaced. The baby is low (meaning she's dropped and ready to go and in the blast off position), and every thing is on course. So hopefully we'll have our little girl within the next two weeks!

I Haven't Laughed This Hard In A Really Long Time

2008-05-16T23:08:00.000-04:00

Holly is sweet and simple. Like a lady baker.
I would not be surprised to find out that she had worked in a bakery before coming here. She has that kind of warmth. I'm pretty sure she's baked on a professional level.--Michael Scott, "The Office"

More power to 'em

2008-05-09T14:28:00.004-04:00

I find this little clip strangely comforting to me in my current condition. Yet, now that I think about it, I'm not sure if I should feel better about my present circumstances, or if I should feel bad for all the complaining I've been doing. Either way, I'm glad it's not me.

The real question I have is...How is this woman's body still functioning properly? Seriously.

For the Love of Money

2008-05-09T13:43:00.004-04:00

We've implemented Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace Jr. here at the Buckland house this week for our two oldest daughters, Isabel, 5, and Josephine, 3. I am so proud of them, because they've really latched on to the system really quickly. Every morning, Isabel & Jo get up and make their beds, feeds the cats, and are helping out a lot more around the house in general. It's great! I thought it was going to be like pulling teeth with them. But as they are working, they have some toys in mind that they're saving up to buy. So that's been a motivating factor for them.

This morning, as I was cleaning up the kitchen after breakfast, I heard two little voices singing in unison as they were making their beds, "Money, money, money, money--MONAAAY!" Whatever works, I guess! I just hope we're not creating miniature Ebenezer Scrooges.

Back by Popular Pancake Demand...

2008-04-24T14:49:00.004-04:00

Ren often complains to me that no one comments on his posts. I then told him that my post about pancakes has received 17 comments. So did my public school post, but most of those were made by Erin and me! Anyways, back to my point. I told Ren that if he wanted to boost his blog numbers, post about food. I mean, who doesn't like food? You really can't go wrong.

I had some requests for the Buckland Homemade Buttermilk Pancake Recipe. It's really from my favorite Southern Living cookbook. Here it is:

Dry Ingredients
2 c. all-purpose flour
2 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
3/4 tsp. salt
2 Tbsp. sugar

Wet Ingredients
2 c. buttermilk
2 eggs (slightly beaten)
1/4 c. vegetable oil

I use my beloved cast iron skillet every time. I start heating it up on medium-low heat even before I start the recipe. Mix the dry ingredients together. Then mix the wet ingredients together. Then pour wet ingredients into dry ingredients. I use my stand-up mixer. Mix all together until just incorporated. If you over mix, you won't have very fluffy pancakes. Dump about 1/4 c to 1/3 c for each pancake into the pan. Flip, butter scandalously, serve hot with lots o' maple syrup.

You know you want some.

Boldy going...where millions of American children go every day

2008-04-22T14:29:00.007-04:00

So as you know, Ren and I have been cutting things to the bone lately. Thusly, we have made another major decision.

Isabel, our 5 year old, is about to graduate from Pre-K. She attends a fantastic little private Christian school in the area, with which we have been exceedingly pleased. We enrolled her there for several reasons, namely because: 1.)It's a Christian school. We're Christians, so logically, we've decided to raise our children as such. Crazy, I know. But that's just the way we roll; 2.)It's only half day--3 hours--as opposed to the 6 & 1/2 hour day in public Pre-K. We just weren't ready to subject our then 4-year old to that many hours of school per day, especially with it being her first year, coupled with the fact that she has the rest of her next 15 or more years to live out in some type of school system; 3.)We loved the smaller classes, the teachers, the brand new facility...*sigh*. I could keep going. Needless to say, we've been very satisfied with our experience, and, more importantly, so has she.

However, she's about to graduate, and next fall she'll be moving on up into Kindergarten (or the "Academy" as they call it). Our options at this point are: 1.)Keep sending her to the private school; 2.)Homeschool; or 3.)The dreaded...Dare I say it?...Public School. *gasp!*

I'll address the first option...well, first. Honestly, we love her school. I think I've made that quite clear. But here's one small problem: It's not free. It actually costs us money. That's the crazy thing about private school. And next year her tuition would be almost double what we're paying for her current year. It's been a little bit of a stretch for us to send her this past year, but with me working part time for our church, we've been able to manage it. But see, here comes the tricky part--we're simultaneously trying to get out of debt, sell a house, and I'm getting ready to quit my job and have our fourth baby! So, we either go into even more massive amounts of debt (which we already have, thank you very much), or sell one of the other children to fund our oldest daughter's first year of school, or look at our other options. Let's move on, shall we?

I'll address Homeschooling next. Honestly, I love the idea of home school. I think it's an admirable, noble, amazing, and wonderful thing to do. For anyone else on the planet ***EXCEPT ME***. Honestly, I know what I can and cannot do. I have come to know myself pretty well, and I know the way I'm wired. Actually, the thought of homeschooling right now, with this many small children, while getting ready to have another, makes me break out into a cold sweat and want to pass out. I know a LOT of moms that home school. In fact, I would even go so far as to suggest that we rename the current area in which we live from the Bible Belt to the Homeschool Belt. I feel like I am in the minority at times. I'm not one of those parents that cried on my daughter's first day of Pre-K. On the contrary, I barely stopped the mini-van in the carpool line just long enough for her to safely get out, before spinning the tires, and racing off to enjoy my few, short, precious hours. Heh heh. I'm a good mom.

I've seen and/or heard some of the nitty, gritty details. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And several parents I've talked to do NOT recommend homeschooling your first child, their first year, with a brand new baby. Who knows? Once they get a little bit older, like maybe when they can all read, write, and wipe themselves, I may change my tune. Until then, we're pretty much decided. I have spent a lot of time considering this option (like the last 5 years or so), and I've spent many hours in prayer about it. I've heard the pitches. I've had other moms try to convert and/or "encourage" me into doing it . But just trust me on this one. I don't think that Homeschooling is for everyone. And with that being said, I KNOW, it ain't me, babe. Not now. No way. No how.

Which leaves us at our third and final option, Public School. Now, 5 years ago, Ren and I would have laughed hysterically, and then proceeded to systematically bludgeon the offender, had anyone ever even suggested that we throw our precious first-born into the lion's den of iniquity that is Public School. But, life (and God) has a way of taking you from all your unrealistically high standards, knocking you down a level or two, to bring your feet back to Planet Earth. Therefore, and by now you've probably guessed it, Ren and I have decided that we will be sending Isabel to public school for Kindergarten. Now, I'll spare you all the minute details about how we've come to such a brave conclusion. But I will say that I really think the Lord Himself gave us both some sort of paradigm shift on the whole thing. The fact that we're in agreement on it is huge. And ever since we've made the decision, I've just been getting nothing but God's peace and encouragement every step of the way. I keep hearing other parents in the community saying things like, "Oh, that's one of the best schools in the county," and "If I had my choice, that's where I'd be sending my kid." And even crazier is the fact that we can see the school from our neighborhood.

The main thing we keep telling ourselves is--It's Kindergarten, for crying out loud. How wild and crazy can it possibly be?

What we've learned through all of this is that there's no perfect solution. We're just parents who deeply love our kids, and want to do what's best. Aren't we all? Obviously, there are pros and cons to all of these scenarios. We'll definitely have to reevaluate our decision at the end of Isabel's first year in public school. At that time we'll have to take a really hard look at her drinking habits, number of piercings, various tattoo locations...oh, AND examine what and how much she's actually learning and move on from there.

Pray for us as we embark on this brave new journey.

Saturday-Universal Pancake Day

2008-04-19T11:27:00.002-04:00

Saturday here at the Buckland house is Pancake Day. It's the one day of the week that we don't have to rush out of the house. No one's working or going to school. So we can relax, have a leisurely morning, and spend some time doing breakfast right.

I pretty much love all breakfast foods, but my daughters, particularly the oldest, request pancakes every Saturday. No waffles, or biscuits and gravy, or Eggs Benedict. Just pancakes. And bacon. With real maple syrup. They will not be fooled, and they will settle for no substitutes.

Then I read that my friend, Elaine, does pancake day on Saturday. And I also believe that the Hippses are Saturday Pancake People. What say you? Is Saturday Universal Pancake Day? If not, what do you do for breakfast on Saturday?

Financial Peace Is An Oxymoron

2008-04-18T06:46:00.003-04:00

But we're hoping that one day it won't be. You see, Ren and I are on the Dave Ramsey train. We've been following his stuff for quite a while, listening to his radio show, reading his books, attending Financial Peace University, etc. We've actually been hosting a FPU group at our church on Monday nights for the past couple of months. This is the second time we've taken the class, and honestly, I get a little dismayed when I think about how long we've been applying some of these principals in relation to how much further we still have to go. Now, granted, we haven't always had gazelle intensity, but we haven't given up yet, and we're not going to!

The past couple of classes have been a little overwhelming for me, I must admit. At our last class, Dave taught (via video, of course) about saving for your retirement and your children's college funds. The week before that was all about wise investing. Now, Ren and I are still on Baby Step #1, which is kind of discouraging. So, the idea of investing and saving for college is a bit far off into the future for us. Truth is, we've actually completed Baby Step #1 like 10 times, but we somehow end up needing the money for some type of "emergency" or another. So we're actually kind of in limbo somewhere between Baby Steps #1 and #2.

All that to say, it looks like we're going to be cutting everything to the bone. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Anyone looking for a couple of great house cats? We're even discussing cutting our Dish Network subscription, which isn't totally crazy because we, including the kids, never watch it. We just don't have time, and the kids would rather watch their DVDs. Ren is even in Ebay mode. And I've got a sweet Taylor acoustic 814CE that I'm looking to sell as well. Sad but true, but honestly the thing is just sitting collecting dust right now and has been for the past couple of years. And, let's face it, I probably won't be touring the country with my hit record any time in the near future.

There's just no stress like financial stress. It will literally choke the life out of you. It also seems to magnify every other minor problem you have in your life. Anyways, we're committed to doing whatever it takes to get out of debt and have some sort of future planned for my children. That's worth some gazelle intensity, I do believe.

We just started a financial series at Fusion Church called "Night of the Living Debt." Last week, Pastor Tony talked a little bit about how using credit is like "borrowing from the future." Basically, you're saying, "I don't have it today, but I am CERTAIN that I'll have it tomorrow!" Or next month. Or whenever. Anyway, I thought that was a very strong point, and very often a lie that we're tempted to believe. It could also apply to our time management (e.g., "I'm too busy now, but in the future maybe thing's will slow down, and I'll have more time"). I used to think that I could make a mess of things (to a certain degree, of course), and that God would somehow sweep in and fix things for me, as long as my intentions were good. I think He does that for us when we're young, but then there's just a point where you grow up and have to take some responsibility for your actions. I'm also learning that even though I am a child of God, things are not always easy, and I don't always get my way!

With all that said, I am really looking forward to this Sunday's message. Author and speaker Joe Sangl is coming to give his testimony. He has written a book called, I Was Broke, Now I'm Not. I can't wait to hear what he has to say.

P.S. Could you all be praying for us? Once again, we've found ourselves strapped with paying two mortgages. Technically, a mortgage and a half since, thankfully, we're in this one with a partner. As if one mortgage wasn't enough, right? It comes at a rough time for us, considering we're about to add another to our ever-expanding brood. And also considering that the housing market is at the lowest point it's been in years, we're definitely feeling it. Pray that we could sell or rent this house ASAP!

Dear Pastor Too Important to Hold the Door

2008-04-17T07:38:00.011-04:00

You probably don't remember me. I attended your church several years ago. My husband and I were members, regular attenders, tithers, and we served faithfully while we were there. I always speak very highly of your church, and know many people that currently attend. I have even led worship at your church before. Now, granted, we were never best buds or anything, and I can probably count on one hand all the interactions we've ever had with one another. And this was all before we had any children, so you probably didn't recognize me yesterday when we saw each other at Barnes & Noble. Yes, that was me. You intercepted me as I was walking into the establishment, 7 months pregnant and holding my 3 year old's hand, while balancing my 16 month old on my very pregnant hip. I was about to smile and say, "Hello, Pastor Blahbiddy Blah, remember me?" as you did the gentlemanly thing (heck, neighborly thing) and held the door open for me as I walked past you. But...that...didn't...happen. Now, I know we've all been in those awkward situations where you find yourself walking into a building and you happen to glance back and see someone approaching, but are SEVERAL paces behind you. Do you hold the door or not? That's a tough one. And had I been SEVERAL paces behind you, I probably wouldn't be blogging about this little incident. However, considering the fact that I was only 3-5 paces behind you...Yes you...I saw you glance at me...I have to ask the question: Would it have killed ya to hold the door and extra 3.7 seconds for me and my children?

Now, as a pastor, I would be willing to bet that you've probably run across this little teaching of Christ's once or twice in your career. And I know nowadays, what with women's lib (thanks, Gloria) and all, maybe you've held a door or two open for a lady in the past and had your head chewed off. But I'm gonna go ahead and take a wild stab here and say that the next time you (or anyone else for that matter-pastor, male, or female) see someone toting three, two, heck, even one child approaching, HOLD THE FREAKING DOOR!!!!

Sincerely,

Angela Buckland

(photo courtesy of Isabel Buckland)

Rain, Rain, Don't Go Away

2008-04-05T17:11:00.001-04:00

I love it when it rains. I think I get this from my mom. She loves the rain. I probably wouldn't feel this way if I lived in Seattle. But I do love the occasional rainstorm. Time seems to stop. Or at the very least, slow down. The pressure to perform and produce is off. I can relax a little. I don't have to feel bad for not taking my kids outside to the play. We can watch hours of television and stay in our pj's till noon and not feel guilty about all the things we're not doing.

This Sunday at Fusion, Pastor Tony is going to be talking about slowing down. I am really looking forward to this message. I really need to hear it. Since having children, I've really tried to not let that "slow me down." In fact, in a lot of ways, I've become even busier, even more "productive", even more ambitious than I ever was before I even had kids. Before children, I was more than happy to kick back, stay in my sweats til noon, and just enjoy life a little.

Now, I'm not saying that one's life goal should be all about dropping out of life, never leaving the house, never getting dressed, and becoming a slug. But for some time now, I've just been feeling slap worn out. I know for sure that some things in my life are going to have to go. I may not feel as "productive" or useful as I have in the past, but maybe, just maybe, I'll make it through this crazy life with my sanity intact. And according to this guy, that's what's most important.

Aunt Sharla Rocks

2008-03-29T23:26:00.000-04:00

I have a child surplus. Most of you already know that. Thankfully, though, with that surplus God has also graciously provided us with lots of help. I honestly don't know what I would do without my precious mom. She's a lifeline and partly responsible for helping me raise these kids o' mine. I am also blessed with lots of friends and other family nearby. We definitely have a great community of loving, supportive people surrounding us. It really does take a village. Or in our case, a couple of counties.

Yesterday, my lovely sister, Sharla, came and picked up Isabel and Josephine for a sleepover at her house. In a 24 hour period, she made them tacos for dinner, watched Enchanted, made them waffles for breakfast, took them swimming at the YMCA, saw Horton Hears a Who at the movie theater, took naps, and were brought promptly home to us by dinner time this evening. That's more than I do with them on any given lunar phase. Needless to say, they had a great time, and Aunt Sharla was exhausted.

Ren and I had a very relaxing, event-free Saturday. Relaxing, because we had two fewer children than we normally do. We still had Oliver around with us, and he was more than happy to be the center of our attention for a day. I can't remember the last time we had such a relaxing, quiet, and peaceful day. Thanks, Aunt Sharla!!! Same time, next weekend, right???

About a Boy

2008-03-29T14:33:00.008-04:00

I was sorting through all my posts, and I can't believe that I've never posted Oliver's birth story on my blog. It's a story worthy of a retelling. And maybe even a dramatic reenactment. Trust me.

It was December 2006. 5 days before Christmas. First off, let me just say for the record that having a baby that close to a major holiday kind of sucks. It's a crazy, hectic, busy, stressful, and expensive time of year as it is. Then throw in a baby, and a new minivan. You get the picture. For more of my real feelings on Christmas, read this.

I typically go overdue with my pregnancies. Oliver's was the closest, and by closest I mean that he was born in the wee hours of the morning on the 20th (his due date was the 19th), and by closest, I also mean that we almost didn't make it to the hospital in time to have him. With all my pregnancies I get to 4 cm dilated without even going into labor. Yeah, I know, I'm lucky. But see, there's a problem that we deal with that most women don't have to even think about. As the due date fast approaches, my poor husband and I worry almost daily about the very real possibility that we may not make it to the hospital, and he'll have to play the role of the midwife and catch the baby. Now, as a young couple with no kids, that was at one time kind of exciting. But as we get older, the reflexes slower, our brood of children more numerous, and our drive to the hospital a little bit further, that isn't so much fun.

Once I get to 4 cm, I am like a ticking time bomb. As I was with Oliver, that cold winter's night.

I had an appointment the morning of his due date with the midwives. They checked me and sure enough, I was 4 cm. So we scheduled an induction a couple of days later. But we never got to that. I started to feel yucky that evening. I thought it was just my dinner not sitting well with me. So we went to bed that night. It was late, about 11:00 PM. I started to drift off to sleep.

I woke up suddenly at around 1:11 AM with a contraction that made me sit up and take notice. See, I am the Queen of Braxton-Hicks contractions. I have like 80 or so a day, but they're irregular, and considered pre-labor contractions. They're doing the work of getting me to 4 cm, I guess. This one particular contraction just felt different. I timed it, and the next one came 5 minutes later. I timed the third one and same thing. At that point, I woke up Ren, and told him that we should call the midwife. So we did, and she told us to come on in to the hospital.

We call my mom, who lives 20 minutes from us, and tell her to come over so we don't have to wake the girls. In the meantime, Ren decided to take a shower, while we waited for my mom, and while I packed some last minute stuff.

That's when things took an even more dramatic turn.

I was still timing contractions, when all of a sudden they went from 5 minutes to 2 minutes apart. Yeah. Ren gets out of the shower and inform him of what's happened. We call my mom to check on her status, and learn that she hasn't even left her house yet!!! Ren then moves into high gear, throws our bags in the car, rips the girls out of their beds from a deep sleep, buckles them into their car seats and we head for the hospital at 1:52 AM.

The girls were so disoriented with all the commotion. Ren is doing 80 MPH to the hospital. 2 year old Josephine starts crying saying that she needs a wipe. I asked her if she was poopy, and she said yes. We tell her we'll change her when we get to the hospital. Then, I smell something. It's dark so I can't see what is the cause of the smell. We turn on the light, take a look back at Jo and discover...it's not poopy. Our poor little girl is covered in vomit. All the excitement and Ren's Mario Andretti impersonation behind the wheel was just a little too much for her. Are you getting this picture??? I am in hard, heavy labor at this point. My child is screaming and covered in vomit. The smell is nauseating. Ren's still doing 80. We're not even sure what we're going to do once we get to the hospital. But getting there is all we can think about.

We reach the hospital, and Ren literally dumps me off at the ER at 2:10 AM, tells me to check myself in while he parks and cleans up our Vomit Girl. I walk in, check in and they get me to the delivery room in what feels like an eternity. Ren was still not there. They check me, and sure enough, I am 10 cm dilated, and that Oliver's head is right about to come down. You've never seen people fly into action as quickly as you do at the hospital when a women is about to have a baby! Ren makes it to the delivery room with the girls in the double stroller. Josephine is in her underwear and wrapped in a blanket. We totally did not intend for them to be in the room with us when Oliver was born. It just happened that way.

Remember I said we reached the hospital at 2:10 AM??? Oliver was born at 3:01. A mere 51 minutes later.

His birth story suits his personality perfectly. Our life with him has been a non-stop ball of action ever since. He is certainly the most energetic of all our children, and they'll all give you a run for your money. I've always said he has two personalities--Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Even as an infant, he was either the most agreeable happy baby, or baby Tasmanian Devil. He either has Ren and I laughing hysterically or ranting and yelling like maniacs. He brings us incredible joy and laughter, and also makes us more exhausted than we've ever been. He is a force to be reckoned with. He tears through the house at warp speed, often leaving a trail of demolition in his wake. I often wonder if the world will be ready for this young man when he comes of age. I'm not sure I will be!

Jesus is Coming Soon

2008-03-29T09:26:00.000-04:00

That's right, folks. I'm calling it. Do you want to know how I know? Just go here and find out for yourselves. Make sure you're sitting down.

This from the man who has previously denounced blogs and all blog reading. I distinctly remember him saying something about how he didn't "get the whole online diary thing." This truly is a miracle of God. This should bring encouragement to you; that is, if the Good Lord can turn around a hardened, cynical, blog-hating man like Ren Buckland, He truly can do anything.

I am so excited that he FINALLY saw the light and joined the Blogosphere. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to reading future posts. If his first post is any indication, then you can be rest assured that his future posts will be just as excellent and classy. Just like he is.

I am so excited and so very pleased to welcome, Ren Buckland (aka, my better half), to the Blog World. It's been a long time a-coming.

Okay, "Lost" Fans...

2008-03-23T22:20:00.000-04:00

If you're a Facebook friend of mine, you might be aware that I've developed a certain appreciation for someone on the TV show "Lost." It didn't occur until recently, I guess because prior to this season, we really haven't seen much more of Desmond Hume beyond his consciousness traveling, crazy-eyed, wild haired, thickly Irish accented rantings of "Yer gunna dyeee, brothah" whenever he appeared in a scene. Anyway, I've really come to look forward to his rantings, his accent, AND his character on the show, not to mention the fact that he's not at all hideously ugly to look at.

So imagine my surprise when Ren brought this movie home to watch over Easter weekend, and lo and behold, I looked at the DVD cover and saw Desmond Hume, aka Henry Ian Cusick, as Jesus Christ. Pretty wild, huh?

Did anyone else know this? I'd seen the movie when it first came out but totally didn't make the connection until just yesterday. After watching it again this weekend, I must say that he does a really good job as Jesus. Even without the Irish accent and the consciousness traveling.

Great Friday

2008-03-21T06:40:00.000-04:00

Be not deceived, Wormwood, our cause is never more in jeopardy than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe in which every trace of him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.--The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis

At about three o'clock, Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?" which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Matthew 27:46 (NLT)

Then Jesus shouted, "Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!" And with those words he breathed his last. Luke 23:46 (NLT)

I read the quote from C.S. Lewis the other day and it shook me to the core. It is, of course, written from the perspective of an older demon, Screwtape, giving instruction to a younger demon in training, Wormwood. The "Enemy" to whom he refers is in fact God. I read it, thinking of myself and how it applies to my life. Serving God, trusting God, even loving God, when, at times, everything around me, and in me, tells me to do otherwise. Then my thoughts turned to my Lord on the cross, and how He must have felt the same way. Probably even more so.

I can get so demanding with God. When things get tough. Like He owes me something. But then I have to remind myself of the King of Glory, who spared not His very life, but gave Himself up, poured Himself out as an offering, so that we all might have life and have it to the full. Nobody had more rights than He. Nobody had more authority than He. And yet, He gave up His rights, and gave it all back to God. All to save a dying world. A worthy cause? I think so.

Lord, help me to do the same. On this holy day, and every day forward.

Praise His name.

A Good Laugh

2008-03-09T18:15:00.000-04:00

Well, we've all been battling some nasty bug over here at the Buckland house for the past week. Hence my blog posting dry spell. Ren got sick first, and then poor little Oliver followed suit. Ren and the boy spent their Saturday at one of those doc-in-a-box facilities. Although Oliver tested negative for the flu, the geniuses that work there told us he has a "viral infection"...Uhhh...I'm no doctor, but isn't that the FLU!?!?!?!? Fever, chills, aches, sore throats, stuffy noses, cough...call me stubborn, but that sounds like the flu to me. Then, as we just discovered, thanks to Google and some good old fashioned trial and error, the medicine they prescribed for my poor guy hasn't been working. It contains phenylephrine. Not familiar with it? That's the stuff with which they replaced all the over the counter medicine containing pseudoephedrine. And, if you've been unfortunate enough to have been duped into buying these products (as well most Americans probably have), you know that it does NOT work!!!

So, a couple hundred dollars later, and my son's still not really able to sleep all that well, and he can't drink his bottle without gasping for air. We've been giving him the placebo medicine along with all the typical congestion-relieving techniques: humidifiers, vapor patches, warm showers, etc., but to no avail. So, yeah, it's been a fun week.

Currently, our house is strategically outfitted with about 52 boxes of the good, expensive (not the Laura Lynn brand, now!) kind of tissues with the lotion squished into them. They feel good on your nose, but leave a kind of greasy residue on your fingers. Isabel just informed me that we've bought Kleenex with butter in it. That gave me a good laugh. I needed it. This is also the child who once informed me that a used Kleenex should no longer be called a Kleenex, but a Dirtynex.

Budding Artist

2008-03-04T13:12:00.001-05:00

My husband found this today on our PC at home. Isabel, identified by the long, curly hair in the picture, drew this on Microsoft Paint...with a mouse. Pretty impressive, if you ask me. We haven't verified who the little boy is standing next to her, but we're pretty certain we know who it is.

Pregnancy Dreams

2008-03-01T10:32:00.000-05:00

Two of my favorite breakfast snacks happen to be Everything Bagels and Boston Cream Donuts (preferably Krispy Kreme). Well, last night I had a dream that I ordered an Everything Boston Cream Donut. I do NOT recommend it, even in a dreamlike state.

Lance Buckland

2008-02-28T16:08:00.000-05:00

Isabel, my 4-about-to-be-5-year old, has a husband. His name is Lance. That is her choice of words, not mine. Not boyfriend, mind you. "Husband." The object of her affection is a cute little guy in her K4 class. She comes home everyday talking about him. At first, she described him as her "friend." Then one day "friend" became "husband." And now she doesn't hide it, from me, him, or anyone else. She tells me all the time, "Mom, I really love him." At first, I was worried that my poor daughter would get her heart broken. But apparently, he feels the same way about her. He drew a picture on Valentine's Day of the two of them together, on which they both signed their names. I already like the kid, because he's obviously very smart and has excellent taste in women.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, Isabel and I were sitting in the kitchen talking, and she proceeded to tell me that she wanted to move out and get a new family. I tried to hide my hurt, and asked her to further explain herself. She clarified by telling me that she was ready to have her OWN family, one in which she would be the mother, Lance would be the father, and she would have her very own children. I explained to her that this was much more complicated than it seemed. For instance, she would have to change her name to Isabel Johnson (Lance's last name), and that she would no longer be a "Buckland". She then, emphatically and incredulously explained, "Umm, no Mom, you mean Lance will have to change his name to Lance BUCKLAND." I am already praying for the poor kid!

I honestly don't remember thinking about marriage and family when I was this young. I guess Ren and I are doing something right since she, not only isn't freaked out by the idea of marriage, but eagerly anticipates it. Hopefully, we can keep it up. It's funny, I thought that Isabel's first crush would totally devastate me. On the contrary, I actually think it's quite adorable. I guess I'd be scared and devastated if she were talking about moving in with him first. I mean her future is either going to have to involve marriage and family or a nunnery. I am afraid there will be no in-between.

More on Children, and That's Not a Play On Words!

2008-02-27T14:53:00.000-05:00

I have had children on the brain a lot these days. Maybe it's because I am expecting. Maybe it's because I have so darn many of them as it is. We currently have 3 of the little buggers, and another baby bugger on the way, due in mid-June. So come summer time, we will have our hands full with, count 'em, 4 buggers, ages 5, 3, 18 months, and larva. I have heard several kind people say in the past that God must be pleased with how we're raising our kids, and therefore, keeps blessing us with more. However, I am beginning to see holes in this theory. The inverse simply can't be true, that God takes kids AWAY from people that are sucky parents??? Maybe if they're Charles Manson. I've known incredible people, that for whatever reason, have lost children. Job is one example that comes to mind, and God Himself called him blameless and upright. No, I am beginning to believe that this is just how many kids it's taking to finally make Ren and I half-way decent human beings. I wonder how many more it's going to take…

Worst Album Covers of All Time

2008-02-23T07:09:00.000-05:00

I found this the other day and it made me laugh out loud. Hysterically. These are 100% for real. The sad question I must ask, however, is why are the majority of these Christian??? Go figure. Let me know which one creeps you out the most.

Bonus points to the person who can tell me what famous song the band Orleans recorded. Hint: We've done it at church!!!

Help

2008-02-23T06:41:00.000-05:00

I just read something that said that God helps those who help themselves, but He also helps those who can't. That made me smile. God's nice.

A thought from the wreckage...

2008-02-22T13:46:00.000-05:00

Life with small children. How can something so beautiful, wonderful, whimsical, and charming one moment, be so painful and torturous the next? I'm just sayin'…

The Old Grinchy Claus Hissed

2008-01-02T22:05:00.001-05:00

So, I've been in Holiday Hiding. Now that the holidays are over, and we find ourselves safely trucking along into 2008, I finally feel a sense of normalcy slowly returning. I also finally feel the liberty to show my mad blog face again. And I'm just gonna state for the record, one more time, that I am really happy that the holidays are over. I know, I know. How can a Christian dare utter such a thing??? In my defense, I haven't always been this much of a humbug. Up until last year, I eagerly anticipated the holidays as much as any child. I love decorating. I love presents. I love Christmas food and festivities. Yet, the past two Christmases have just been incredibly stressful for us. Money's always tight. There's always some major, expensive malfunction needing attention, be it vehicular or of the household variety (Last year it was the septic tank--"It's the crap, crappiest season of all!"). There are always no less than 100 engagements in which to attend, and only two of which are actually fun. Oh, and I did I mention the fact that we're in the peak of flu season??? Yeah. That's a barrel of fun with 3 kids, ages 4 and under. And this year, once again, I find myself with child. So all of this, and I can't even enjoy a stinking glass of Christmas cheer. Aptly named due to its capacity to make you forget momentarily all about your Christmas woes.

Not that there haven't been moments of fun, excitement, and joy. This year we had an beautiful just-before-Christmas-service at our church. And last year, we welcomed the birth of our son, Oliver, 5 days before Christmas, in a whirlwind birth story that would make anyone's head spin. It seems, however, that I find myself enjoying Christmas in snapshots, but not overall as a whole. Maybe I'm just doing something wrong. Maybe my heart just needs to grow three more sizes. I'm up for it. Whatever the case may be, I think one of my New Year's Resolutions for 2008 is that I am GOING to try to enjoy Christmas a little more this year. Maybe that would mean not celebrating it at all...

Bah. Humbug.

A Quote from Oswald

2007-12-15T07:08:00.000-05:00

This is an excerpt from today's devotional in My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers. This is truly one of my favorite devotionals. Anyway, this quote struck a chord with me for some reason and wanted to share it.

The author or speaker from whom you learn the most is not the one who teaches you something you didn’t know before, but the one who helps you take a truth with which you have quietly struggled, give it expression, and speak it clearly and boldly.

Throne of Lies

2007-12-11T17:14:00.001-05:00

I thought this might help spread a little Christmastime joy. Enjoy!

The First Commandment

2007-12-02T07:49:00.000-05:00

I read so much about hearing God's call. I hear a lot of people talk about it, too. And the emphasis is always on the "to do" of God's call. The questions are always phrased, more or less, as "What has God called you…to do???" If we look at it that way, our work, our efforts, our life will be all about the tasks. We will be task-driven. Service-driven. Purpose-driven if you will. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that tasks, service, and purposes are bad. On the contrary. We need them if we wish to have a meaningful life. But I think it's important to realize that our calling is not to a task, a thing, a ministry… but to God Himself. Jesus, when He called the disciples, didn't tell the disciples what they were to "do," other than to follow Him. I fundamentally believe that we are called, first and foremost, to follow, love, obey, and worship God alone. Not our "calling," whatever that may mean. If it is a calling to do that we are obeying, worshipping, loving--then where is God??? Is it possible that Christian service could , very possibly, take God's rightful throne in our hearts???

I'm not just making this stuff up. Check this out:

Now while they were on their way, it occurred that Jesus entered a certain village, and a woman named Martha received and welcomed Him into her house.
And she had a sister named Mary, who seated herself at the Lord's feet and was listening to His teaching.
But Martha [overly occupied and too busy] was distracted with much serving; and she came up to Him and said, Lord, is it nothing to You that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me [to lend a hand and do her part along with me]!
But the Lord replied to her by saying, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things;
There is need of only one or but a few things. Mary has chosen the good portion [that which is to her advantage], which shall not be taken away from her.
Luke 10:38-42 (Amp)

Christ says that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He also told Martha that there is need of only one or but a few things. And He is the main thing, because He deems that Mary has chosen the "good portion." Christ tries to keep it so simple for us. And we constantly complicate it for ourselves. I believe that often we, like Martha, get distracted with much serving. Overly occupied and too busy. And we lose sight of what is really important. What is my calling? We ask ourselves. What we should be asking instead is, To Whom am I called???

I am called first to Jesus. After that, whatever He asks me to do, I will do. But I am called to a relationship with Him. Serving, ministry, and everything else, should flow from that main thing.

Maybe I'm splitting hairs here, but God was pretty clear when He said this:

I am the Lord your God, Who has brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.
You shall have no other gods before or besides Me.
You shall not make yourself any graven image [to worship it] or any likeness of anything that is in the heavens above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth;
You shall not bow down yourself to them or serve them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate Me,
But showing mercy and steadfast love to a thousand generations of those who love Me and keep My commandments. Exodus 20:2-6 (Amp)

It is so easy, I think, as a Christian to let service (all in the name of God, of course) become our god. I am realizing how easy it is to slip into this. God is bringing me back to Himself. My calling, my purpose, my ministry, my reason for living is God. Obviously, if I am keeping Him at the center I will want to express that in many different ways. Sometimes that may mean serving, sometimes that may mean listening. Resting. Breathing. Being.

Here are our marching orders, direct from the Son of Man Himself:

And you shall love the Lord your God out of and with your whole heart and out of and with all your soul (your life) and out of and with all your mind (with your faculty of thought and your moral understanding) and out of and with all your strength. This is the first and principal commandment. Mark 12:30 (Amp)

It always boils down to this, doesn't it???

Remembering God's Goodness

2007-11-30T15:45:00.000-05:00

I read this verse yesterday and it really struck me:

...and I will bind you to me forever with chains of righteousness and justice and love and mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness and love, and you will really know me then as you never have before. Hosea 2:19-20 (Living)

It is great to be reminded that even when you're acting like the biggest jerk on the planet, that God doesn't leave. He is moved with compassion for you. He sticks around. He isn't shocked or afraid. Thank You, Lord, for Your loving-kindness. Your mercy does truly endure forever.

Baby Update

2007-11-28T15:24:00.000-05:00

So today I had my first ultrasound with Baby #4. We've determined that, according to measurements and whatnot, I am 12 weeks pregnant and due on June 11th. Oliver and this baby will be 18 months apart--the closest in age any of my children are to date. We're giving the Jolie-Pitt family some good competition I think.

I must admit that I wasn't really all that excited about the ultrasound. I mean, I truly don't know how many I've had by now. I thought that some of the magic would be gone. But it wasn't. Seeing little Buckland #4 today was just as exciting, just as thrilling as seeing Isabel in her first ultrasound. I even got all misty-eyed. I was also expecting to see just a little blob on the screen. But you can already see arms, legs, hands, feet, etc. Everything looked perfect and healthy. I have been in kind of a pregnancy shock/denial up until this point. But today it brought it home for me. Very cool.

And Baby Makes...I've Lost Count!

2007-11-10T10:00:00.000-05:00

That's right, folks. As if 3 children weren't already enough for us to tackle, God in all His omniscient insanity has seen fit to bless us with yet another. Now, may I remind you that this poor body of mine has either housed and/or fed a small child consecutively for the last 5 years. So I will confess to you that my reaction to the news was a mixture of shock, panic, and denial. I think I'm still kind of in that state. It's quite a marked contrast to my reaction the first time I found out that I was pregnant. But upon finding out for the FOURTH time that you're going to have another baby, here's a sample of the thoughts and questions that run through your head:

1. How in the world does this keep happening?

2. Does God hate me? Because I think He's slowly trying to kill me.

3. I really need to do a Google search on the subject of "contraception."

4. Am I ever going to look human again? Okay, semi-human???

5. This is all rather embarrassing, isn't it?

6. The Old Woman Who Lived In a Shoe ain't got nothin' on me!!!

7. Taking over the world, one Buckland at a time.

8. This really puts a damper on my swimsuit modeling career.

Now before I get bombarded with reprimanding posts and comments about what a BLESSING all this is, I know all that--theoretically. I know that the Bible says that children are a blessing from the Lord. But it isn't specific about the quantity...

All kidding aside, Ren and I are pretty good at making some awesome kids, if I may say so. So if this one turns out anything like the other three, everything will be just fine. Pray that we don't get a dud.

I guess I better post now that I don't know the due date. Due to nursing and moon cycles and whatnot, we're not sure when this baby's actually going to arrive. I had my first real appointment on Thursday, but they really weren't very helpful. I go in for an ultrasound in a couple of weeks to determine all the details. So we will keep everyone posted.

So there it is, folks. Sometime next year Isabel, Josephine, and Oliver will have yet ANOTHER sibling. I can't believe my baby boy, who is just 10 and 1/2 months old, will be a big brother. This is all just way too surreal.

Mute Math--Quite Possibly The Best Band of All Time

2007-11-05T19:32:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I said it. And I mean it. I'm serious when I say that Mute Math is probably my favorite band ever. And I don't say that lightly. I love all kinds of music. But no one, and I mean NO ONE, puts on a better live show than they do. Ren, my sisters, and I, along with a bunch of friends, saw them play at the Tabernacle in Atlanta last Saturday night. I've seen them 3 times now, and this was by far the best show I've seen. They put in 110% into their performances. I honestly don't know how they keep up the touring pace that they do, and put that kind of energy into each one of their shows. While at other concerts they can be seen performing each other's instruments, and doing flips and donkey kicks over keyboards and whatnot, at this particular concert we saw Darren King (the drummer) literally take his floor tom, place it on top of the crowd, and then proceed to stand on it, while drumming on his chest, Bobby McFarrin style. Where on earth have you ever seen such a thing??? It's all par for the course at a Mute Math show. Trust me, you haven't lived until you've seen this band live. They do not disappoint.

Birthday Magic

2007-11-02T10:24:00.000-04:00

Well, another birthday has come and gone. I'm 31. I recently realized that I used to have such high expectations for my birthday. It really is just another day, and as my friend Suzanne said, another number. And I used to get so mad at Ren or whoever if there wasn't some great surprise waiting for me. Petty, isn't it???

There's nothing extraordinarily special about turning 31. Last year, when I turned 30, everyone of my dearest friends gave me a phone call to wish me a happy birthday. I realized that was really the best gift anyone could give. Just the fact that they remembered, in all of life's craziness, to take time and stop and give someone a call on their birthday. I guess it's true that as you get older, it's the simple things that mean the most.

With all that said, yesterday was one of the nicest birthdays I've had in a long time. It's usually when you stop expecting all these great things to happen to you that they usually happen. I had a great surprise birthday lunch with my friends Amy M., Amy F., Kristen, Holly, Angie, and my sister-in-law Kim. I thought I was going out with just the two Amy's. But when I arrived at our lunch destination, I saw the group of all my friends sitting there. Honestly, the first thought that ran through my head was what a strange coincidence it was that we were all having lunch at the same place! Not too quick on the uptake. But it was such a joy to see everyone at the same place at the same time. I can't remember the last real girly lunch I've had. My lunches usually consist of eating dry sandwiches on stale double fiber wheat bread filled with slimy deli meat, standing up in the kitchen while playing server to 3 small kids. The lunch was fabulous, my friends are fabulous. And the ones who couldn't make it, either called or sent lovely Jane Austen e-cards.

Then, as if that weren't enough, when I got home from lunch, I found my evil 3cm deep stainless steel, factory installed kitchen sink replaced with this beauty

This picture doesn't really even do it justice. And the faucet Ren picked out is way cooler than that one. The sink is big enough for all 3 of my kids to take a bath in. Or at least it looks that way. Especially compared to my previous sink. I guess my sweet husband finally got tired of hearing me cuss out my last sink every time I spilled copious amounts of water on myself and the floor while doing dishes. Ren says that the major benefit of having a sink this deep is that you can't see when you have dishes in it. Great. Another way I can add more denial to my life!

Thanks to all my great friends and family who helped make my birthday so special. It is truly one I'll never forget!

Feeling Inclined

2007-10-15T10:21:00.000-04:00

To write another review, that is. Of the new CD from my friends Mike and Suzanne Cowan of Scarlet Snow entitled Inclined. The first words that come to my mind when I think about this CD is...Holy Crap. I can't believe I actually know these people. It might surprise you all to know that I had a very brief musical career with them in their band Kudzu. That was right before Scarlet Snow. And after listening to quality of this CD, I am convinced my leaving the band was by far the best gift I could've ever given these cats. ;)

First of all, I've always known that these guys were muy talented. But this CD is crazy good. Suzanne's vocals are the best I've ever heard. She has really pushed herself on this CD, reaching notes and ranges that I can't even comprehend coming out of another human being's mouth. The musical arrangements of all the songs are perfection. And the lyrics. Don't even get me started on the lyrics. They've reached a level of, sometimes brutal, honesty mingled with loving truth that, let's face it, a lot of artists are afraid to go for these days. Especially Christian artists.

Here's the deal. I've recently purchased a bunch of new music. So I've been listening to all kinds of great stuff. But it's this album that gets stuck in my head. No matter what, you can find me humming or singing one of their songs all throughout the day. There are so many songs that I love, like "Politix," "Turning This Around," "Lay Down," and "Sonrise." But my favorite song on the CD is the title track, #5, "Inclined." Here's a sample of the lyrics:

With a blanket of mystery, You cover me like a little child.
And even though I don't understand You, at least I'm warm tonight.

I love people who aren't afraid to wear their hearts on their sleeves. I love artists who are able to do the same through their music. I love the truth. I love people that aren't afraid to look into the very face of darkness and look for God, even there. These guys have a story to tell. And they tell it. Very beautifully, on this new CD. So be sure to check it out for yourself. It's well worth it.

Feeling Overwhelmed

2007-10-15T08:51:00.000-04:00

I absolutely hate feeling overwhelmed. To me, it's got to be the worst feeling in the world. It's a feeling that comes and goes for me. And I'm sure we all struggle with it from time to time. You know that feeling--there's so much going on in your life that you're sure at some point it's all going to consume you. And one day, years later, your body will be found underneath piles of unpaid bills, dirty laundry, dirty dishes, unanswered emails, unreturned messages, and neglected school fund raising campaigns. I would imagine it's sort of what being in an elevator feels like to a claustrophobic. It also makes me think of the garbage compactor scene from Star Wars. The scene featuring Han Solo famously saying, "One thing's for sure, we're all going to be a lot thinner." Oh Han, if only that were true. That certainly would be the upside to having the fool squeezed out of you.

I've noticed that when I get to feeling this way, I really see the ol' "fight or flight" response in myself in action. I either get snappy and a wee bit confrontational, or I hole up and want to take a permanent vacation from life. I think it may be the result of focusing on too many things at the same time. And before I know it, I find myself at the foot of this cold, ominous mountain of stuff that needs to be moved from Point A to Point B, and I haven't the slightest clue on how to even begin to do that. It really is all about perspective, though, isn't it??? According to Matthew 17:20, it's because my faith is too small. Jesus says,

For if you had faith even as small as a tiny mustard seed you could say to this mountain, 'Move!' and it would go far away. Nothing would be impossible. Matthew 17:20 (Living)

I'd like to think that my faith is larger than a mustard seed. But at times, I'm afraid it isn't even that large! Especially during those times when I am feeling most overwhelmed. In that very moment, we cease to operate out of faith, and begin to walk in fear. How many of God's plans are aborted or disrupted when we choose to react in fear (fight or flight) instead of responding with faith? What I need to do, in that moment, when I feel like I am about to crack under the pressure, is stop, pray, and ask the Father to give me more faith and His perspective. For everything is possible for those that believe. And I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

However, I realized something the other day. It's not my faith that gets me through these things. It's God Himself. It's not faith in faith that I need, but faith in a faithful God. That certainly takes some of the pressure off, doesn't it??? Thank God that it's not my pitifully small faith that will get me through tough times. But a rather large and reliable God. My faith just lets me enjoy the process and the journey, and hopefully see God's hand guiding me along the way.

Crisis of Faith

2007-10-10T06:45:00.000-04:00

I just read this post today over at the Gifted For Leadership blog. I just posted something similar a couple of days ago. I taught on faith this past Sunday, and used a LOT of the scriptures that are referenced in this post. God always seems works in themes in my life. He's tricky like that.

The bottom line is that when we have a crisis of faith--and we all do at some point or another--the only thing we can do sometimes is stand and trust. I was encouraged by this. I hope you are, too.

Office Related

2007-10-09T19:50:00.000-04:00

I am so glad that The Office is back on TV. I've really enjoyed the past two episodes of the new season. I got into it about a season and a half ago. So I had some catching up to do. But I am so glad I did. It's now one of the highlights of my week.

One of my favorite minor characters is Andy, played by Ed Helms. Yes, I know he's incredibly annoying. But darn funny. When they introduced his character in the second season, I was so hoping he'd become a regular on the show. Apparently, I wasn't the only one since he's now on staff at the Scranton Branch of Dunder-Mifflin.

Well, you can imagine my delight when I found this gem the other day. It's called "Zombie American" starring Ed Helms. It's a short documentary about the discrimination one experiences as a member of one of America's minority groups--the walking dead. Don't forget to watch Chapters 2 and 3. Enjoy!

A Review

2007-10-08T21:16:00.001-04:00

I've never done a CD review before, but thought it might be a good time to start. Plus, blogs seem like good venues for that type of thing. And since my blog has seriously lacked some good, consistent posting lately...

I just downloaded Sunday! by Tree63. And. Oh. My. God. It's rocking my face off. I can't stop listening to it. I have been a Tree63 fan since their self-titled debut in 2001, which has always been my favorite album of theirs. Sunday! may either be just as good as that one, if not better. I can't be certain of that just yet, because it's still too early to tell. A CD has to stand the test of time for me. Will I still be actively searching for songs from it on my iPod two years from now??? I hope so. Some of my favorites on this one are "Sunday!", "Becoming", "World Undone", "Foolishness", "New Creation", and "The Revolution." I could honestly list every song on it, it's that good. They seem to be drawing a bit more from their punk rock roots, which always gets my seal of approval. Yet, every song is still beautifully written and anthemic, so much so that I can often be found shouting "WHOOO-HOOO!!!" when I'm listening to it by myself in the car. Rest assured, when that happens, it's got to be good.

I give it 4 & 1/2 stars.

Go out and buy it now!!!

Nothing

2007-10-05T15:52:00.000-04:00

I am two days away from preaching again this Sunday. I honestly feel like I have absolutely nothing to say. I am supposed to be teaching on faith. It's ironic, because right now, I seem to have very little. Things seem very dark. I can't seem to see or hear God. That's sort of a problem, isn't it? If this is some sort of test, it's one from which I'd like to exempt myself. The last time I preached, I really sensed God's grace, help, and power. I really haven't felt that this time. It makes me wonder--am I doing something wrong??? If He's calling me to preach, why isn't He providing the help??? It's Friday, and Sunday's fast approaching. I keep waiting for some spark. Some light. Some glimmer of hope that help is on the way. This week has been the week from Hell. Literally. And things just seem to keep getting darker...

I imagine that's what the disciples felt like on Friday when Jesus was crucified. This was the Man on whom they'd pinned all their hopes. Wasn't He supposed to come and save them??? Why, instead, is He nailed to a cross??? What happened??? What went wrong??? Isn't He supposed to save us???

Now, He's dying!!!

Dead.

Gone.

But wait...

Gone???

John and Simon Peter saw the body of their Lord gone from the tomb. And they believed. It wasn't until then that they understood the Scriptures that Jesus must rise from the dead (John 20:8-9).

I don't know why things have to die first in order to bring about newness of life. But they do. They always do. I am realizing that I have nothing. I am nothing. I bring absolutely nothing to the table. If the Lord has called me to preach...and I truly believe He has...for this was never my plan or crazy idea, after all...then I must die. I must die in order that He may live through me. I must decrease that He may increase. It's not pretty. And it's certainly not always fun. But here I am. Where else can an ambassador in chains go? How can I extinguish this blazing fire shut up in my bones? I cannot.

And I would not.

I read this morning that when Peter, John, and the other disciples spotted Jesus' resurrected form from their fishing boat, they quickly headed to shore and not only found Jesus, but also a hot breakfast waiting for them (John 21:9). After all that had been...suffering the loss of their Lord, fleeing His side and denying His name...and after a hard night's work...Jesus is the one waiting for them. With a hot meal.

It's Friday, but Sunday's comin'...Hallelujah.

Tagged...Dang

2007-09-19T23:43:00.000-04:00

So I've been tagged by Tony to list one of my bad habits. It's embarassing, but here goes. I have a terrible habit of biting my fingers. No, you read that correctly. Not my fingernails. That's normal. A lot of people do that. I pick and chew on the skin AROUND my nails. I have done it for as long as I can remember. And I can't seem to stop it. There you go. I bet you're all disgusted by now. So now I'm supposed to tag some of my friends. You're it.

Wes Whitener
Holly Etchison
Kim Borg
Kristen Frith

I bet that whatever you guys list as your bad habit, it won't be as gross as mine.

Garlic Fries at Applebee's

2007-09-16T15:52:00.000-04:00

First of all, let me just state for the record that I'm not the biggest Applebee's fan in the world. I've eaten there a few times, but for some reason I always leave with the feeling that I've just spent way too much money and didn't get the meal that I paid for. The food is all kind of generic and boring. And the pictures do way too much justice to the food that actually comes to your table. Now, as a kid I thought it was a very cool place to eat. I mean who doesn't love all the fake "local" memorabilia they have plastered all over the walls, right? I particularly remember loving the potato skins. And, let's face it, kids don't necessarily have the broadest pallets in the world. So generic and boring worked for me then. It still works for my kids today.

But today after church, I ventured out with my family for lunch, only after we discovered that Cracker Barrell, once again, had its typical 45-minute wait established as we arrived. So onward to Applebee's. I wasn't really looking forward to it, but I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by my meal. And particularly by Tyler Florence's Garlic Fries. First off, let me just say that it was SO NICE of him to take time out of his busy schedule just to make my fries. You can't get better service than that, in my opinion. And. Oh. My. I am already regretting the fact that I ate the entire contents of the fry dish that was the size of my 9 month old son's head. But strangely enough, I didn't feel that way as I was scarfing them down. Each fry had this buttery, garlicky, rosemary and Parmesan cheese magic dust sprinkled all over it. I am certain that I've surpassed my caloric intake for the week. But, man, they were good. Apparently, good enough for me to blog about.

Good Clean Humor

2007-09-08T00:20:00.000-04:00

I found this tonight, at Ren's recommendation. This guy is honestly one of the funniest (and cleanest) comedians I've heard in a long time. I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard. He's also got another funny bit about Christmas. Be sure to check him out.

First Week of School

2007-09-07T14:43:00.000-04:00

Isabel started Pre-K this week. It's amazing how much work you have to do to get prepared for something like that. All the records, supplies, meetings, etc. It always takes a lot of effort to get that rolling. But now that we're adjusting to this new schedule, I think we're all going to really enjoy it.

She's going to a K4 program at a church nearby. She's been such a trooper and she absolutely loves it. We've gotten no protests, so far. It's only a few hours a day, five days a week. But it gives me some time with my other two babies. I've realized that when Isabel's around, she likes to run the show. With her at school, it's a lot quieter around here!